How to manage when I fear my ED will be active again
I have a form of ARFID that is primarily based in health concerns and related to emetophobia and possibly some hypochondria. I have actual health issues - IBS, fibromyalgia - and there have been times that I become so afraid of different foods that I am only eating a few things. I have been doing well at not restricting foods for several years now. But.
I am on day 8 of what is either a chemical burn to my GI system caused by accidentally taking too much zinc on an empty stomach or Cyclosporiasis. (Waiting on test results). Eating causes pain. And other symptoms that I will not describe but if you have heard of the Cyclosporiasis outbreak all over America then you can infer. In the past 8 days I’ve had some crackers, some rice, some jello, and some Gatorade. Most days it’s just been Gatorade. I keep trying to introduce more and it worsens symptoms.
my worry is that this is going to trigger active disordered eating. Any tips for preventing that? I’ve been communicating with friends about my attempts to add food and plans for adding it. Right now I’m going by pain and I’m trying a little something each day in the mornings so that hopefully if it causes pain, it’ll subside by bedtime so I can sleep.
I can’t keep living on only Gatorade. I’m exhausted from malnourishment. At the same time I’m afraid to try eating. I don’t want the fear of eating to linger when I am actually recovered.
@agreeableCranberry1169
😔
You are going through so much.
I'm genuinely sorry to hear that and it's admirable for you to be so courageous in opening up.
I know it's difficult and scary but it's important to eat regular meals even if they are small 💛
Thank you. For several days the pain and other symptoms were too severe to eat. I’m now on antibiotics for Cyclosporiasis so I have to eat to take them. I am eating a couple meals a day now, still having symptoms (I just started the antibiotics last night). I was able to keep a meal inside of me for 7 hours today before symptoms returned.
I’m really hoping I’m turning a corner. It’s day 10! But I’ve had a cycle of symptoms where I feel better for a day then worse for 2 days. The test for cyclospora was negative but they have cyclic shedding and sometimes you have to do up to 3 tests before they are detected. I went in on a good day, too. Now that we went ahead with antibiotics it won’t show up, but I think we are assuming that’s what it is?
i just want to feel better! This is really impacting my anxiety about illnesses and food and my FOMO.
@agreeableCranberry1169
I'm rooting for you to feel better 💛