My story

Hello, I want to tell my story because I feel that the 2 people who know it couldn't understand me. From when I was a baby until I was 7 years old, my family used to call me “the fat one or the chubby one.” Since when I was a baby I was one of those fat babies with huge, red cheeks. After I was 5 years old I started to lose weight on my own and I stayed that way, but the nickname continued to haunt me until I was 7 or so when I said I never wanted to be called that. Well, I was still skinny and had the body of a pretty skinny girl until I was 13 years old when I started to develop. All my classmates and almost all of them began to sexualize me since “I didn't have the body of a 13-year-old girl” and many men... (18 and 20+ years old) began to flirt with me on the street and on social networks. I actually had a pretty nice body and women and men liked it. In quarantine I started eating, but food that only provided me with calories. Sweets, fried food and so on. I started eating like this out of boredom until at the end of the quarantine I gained 12 kilos. And in reality it didn't bother me to see myself a little fatter, it wasn't such a noticeable change for me either. Until they started calling me "fat, now you're ugly, what happened to you, now you look like a pig, what a shame you lost your beauty because you were a eater, what a shame". I remember that the boy I liked and who liked me... started to distance himself from me because of the comments people said.

One day after school I started looking at my before photos and started comparing. I looked in the mirror and felt disgusted, I saw that my waist no longer existed and I cried all day. I started not eating, fighting with everyone over food and I started dressing in clothes that were too baggy.I met a guy online who was from my country but lived in the UK. He was so attentive to me, he helped me with everything and at that time in my life I was in school, having private classes and going to my English academy. All in one day and I couldn't stand the pressure. I fell into a horrible depression and to cheer me up he asked me for food and sent it home to cheer me up and as I had told him about my problem he made me eat it while talking to him on a video call.After talking to him, I told him that I had to study and I went to the bathroom to vomit.My family realized all this and my mom doesn't believe in mental health and when I told her I asked to see a psychologist, he despised the idea and started telling me to do whatever I want with food. At this point I had already lost 15 kilos. I tried to inform myself about the subject online and by watching videos, I am alone going through this process. I broke up with the boy, he still loves me and came to visit me once. He told me I'm too sexy to have that problem. Everyone still continues to sexualize me, I feel very uncomfortable but I feel that in order for them to accept me and love me I have to dress sexy and have the body like before and now. I am attractive again and everyone calls me pretty again but im not feeling it.