slipping
i feel like ive been falling back into old habits. i used to struggle a lot with eating and would feel embarrassed to eat in front of people. like them knowing im eating is something to be ashamed of? even though it’s not. ive been doing good for around a year or two now, but ive gained some weight and feel myself slipping back into old habits. i eat in secret and feel embarrassed if anyone sees me eating. i think being near my family again is a big reason for this feeling because theyre a bit critical of things like this. it just feels like this tug of war between wanting to be comfortable with my body/eating regularly and also wanting that thin image of myself?
@redMaple2639
hi!! i really understand the fear of eating in front of people. it often comes from the fear of judgment or unwanted attention about what’s on your plate or even the simple motions of eating, which can feel uncomfortable when others are watching. i love how you acknowledged that eating isn’t something to be ashamed of, here’s a little secret… we all do it 😉. but i also know that these feelings can creep up, and sometimes our emotions don’t make logical sense at all.
i believe this, along with the fear of gaining weight, ties back to a deeper fear of being judged or looked at a certain way by others, just like you mentioned with your family. i really relate to that tug of war you described,trying to balance wanting to be seen one way but also fearing what comes with it. you explained it perfectly. the truth is, you can’t have one without the other.
here’s how i’d describe it: imagine you’re standing in front of two boxes. one is HUGE, like a giant gift box, and the other is tiny, maybe just an envelope. at first, your mind is drawn to the huge box because it seems like it holds so much more,it’s like the ‘thin image’ that looks glamorous and like it would make you happy. the small envelope doesn’t look as appealing at first glance. but when you open the huge box, it’s empty. it gives you nothing and only reminds you of everything you’ve missed by not choosing the small envelope, which is actually full of a million dollars.. that’s would be the comfort of being in your own skin. (sorry if this didn't make much sense.. sounded better in my head haha)
choosing the envelope might seem small or simple, but it holds so much more than the empty promise of the big box. YOU DESERVE TO CHOOSE THE ENVELOPE, AND I BELIEVE YOU WILL!!!
sending so much hugs <3 <3
