I wish I could tell everybody that...

I'm in constant emotional pain

Im done with every thing

That adults and males suffer from eating disorders.

I'm not what they see or know me as.

Im not okay.

That I'm not at all happy with my life

I don't want to be this mean or rude or loud. I really want to be nice. I do. But it's hard. Please understand.

I am lonely. I don't understand how I feel. I don't know how I feel. I am sad for no reason. I can't stop over thinking. I am paranoid. Etc. Etc.

i'm not happy. I'm not okay.

but i smile anyway.

:)

Something that I want the people that I encounter in my daily life to know is: that Im sorry. Im sorry for being wrapped up in myself. I want to get to know others and I love people and want to understand them, but I am very afraid of letting my walls down. Id like to be a good friend, but Im afraid of letting others down because the way my mental state is, one second Im your BFF, the next I want to dig a hole and live in it, avoid you. My actions are so inconsistent, my mind so hard for myself to figure out, I wouldnt want you to have to deal with this. I know everyone has their troubles. Maybe one day I can get to know yours too. Until then I hope you understand that I need time and space to figure everything out.