RS Meeting Notes for November 8th, 2021

Attendees: @FairyPrinceSasha @adventurousBranch3786 @brightWindow2311 @CheeryMango @PuzichkinCat @scarletPear1945 @Fristo @SoftFaith2004 @KateDoskocilova @empatheticLavender2924 @Moonlemon48 @Hope

Announcements:

The November Group Support Flourishing in Life is looking for hosts and co-hosts. For more information about the challenge, click HERE. Please remember, before you sign up to host a session for the team you represent, to notify your team’s group support leader, community mentor, and/or you community mentor leader. For additional questions, please contact @theriverissinging (adults) or me (teens).

The Room Supporter request form is still active for any member to request a room supporter and for hosts to request assistance when supporting a group room. This is not an emergency request form. The intention is to invite group support to participate in a room. You may find the request form HERE. Please be sure to check the room supporter request dashboard HERE if you are able to offer assistance to your peers.

The new moderator request form can be found HERE. The form was updated to be more user friendly. Additionally, the link is also available in the chatroom rules #14. Please refer to this link for additional information about the moderator request form.

Please be on the lookout for a Room Supporter meeting poll vote on the days and times for our first quarter Room Supporter meetings starting in January 2022. The poll should be up in early December 2021.

Questions about announcements:

• Participant question: What do you think if rs too have the power to delete messages and ban as sometimes after filling the emergency form it takes time for a mod to come? Answer: It would be a nice power for an RS to have. I'm not sure if that will be something available in the future. But, I'm happy to ask. If you have not received support from a mod within 5 minutes of your request, please reach out to the Com Mod on duty. You can find the schedule HERE

Discussion on Active Listening:

• What does Active listening mean to you?

  • listening means making someone's day better thus making the world around them better, each time i do that, the world gets a little better

  • Active listening means listening with intent to understand and empathise

  • Active listening to me means paying attention to what the person is saying and ensuring that you understand their full story

  • Active listening means attentive listening

  • The art of listening with your body where you hear and all your attention is with the other person. Your focus is totally on the person that is talking to you and you are not distracted by other things around you.

  • Listening to understand, not to wait for a chance to talk yourself

  • Listening in this way will allow you to feel a deeper connection to the person and can answer their question at a deeper level

  • Paying attention to what they are saying and making an effort to know them and what they want to say better

  • it means concentrating, being attentive and making them feel heard

• Active listening involves reflection, validation, and empathy. Using what we know about active listening, let’s practice some scenarios.

• Reflecting back what the person is saying shows that you are paying attention to what they say. In the following scenario, how would you use reflection? “I have so much on my plate. I have a huge project due tomorrow, and my in-laws are coming over this weekend.”

  • You seem to feel overwhelmed by thinking about tomorrow and feel stress about how you are going to manage your project with the guests also coming.

  • You feel overwhelmed because you have a big project and it would be tough to manage with the in-laws coming over.

  • Sounds like you are going through a difficult time and I can imagine it must be hard to manage since you have so much to do.

  • Seems like you're dealing with a lot right now - working on a project with a close deadline and getting ready for having family over, it's a lot to handle.

• Validation is acceptance of someone else's feelings, choices, actions, or thoughts as understandable and as fact. How would you validate this member? “I’m so mad at my mom for the way she’s treating me. It’s not like I meant to wreck the car. Now she’s saying I can’t drive anymore! I never want to talk to her again!”

  • You are right to be upset as never using it again after you got in an accident does seem excessive.

  • If I were in your place, I would have felt really bad too after hearing that response from mom. You did not wreck the car intentionally.

  • It makes sense to feel anger right now. You didn't mean harm. Seems like the situation was out of your control. Being punished for something like that would make anyone upset, your feelings are valid.

  • I hear you- it is alright to feel very angry in this situation. I am sorry your mother is saying you can't drive after the accident, I understand why you are unwilling to talk to her again. Being blamed can cause us to feel very angry, to the point of being mad

  • I hear you, your feelings are understandable and they are valid, also you sound angry, its wrong that you were mistreated even if it wasn't your fault

It is understandable to feel upset to be unsupported by your mom when you were trying your best to drive well.

• Empathy draws on your own experiences to imagine how the other person is feeling by putting yourself in their shoes. How would you empathize with this member? “I was so angry with him for treating my sister like that. I yelled at him and called him a jerk. I hate him so much.”

  • I hear you there- that was a terrible situation. I understand how you got upset when your sister was mistreated. Maybe I'd have reacted similarly- I get you .

  • I hear you! I'd be so upset if someone were to mistreat my sister, makes sense that you might raise your voice and want to let him know what you honestly think of him

  • You seem to have a lot of love for your sister. If I had a sister, I would have felt very upset too if someone mistreated her.

  • I'm sorry to hear that. You seem to be very frustrated. I would feel the same if I was in your place. Your feelings are valid. Would you like to talk about it more?

  • I get that, (scenario username). I'd be so upset if someone were to mistreat my family member, makes sense that you might raise your voice and want to voice your feelings about him"

Questions about Active Listening:

• Participant Question: How do a listener direct a chat when they are not able to understand a member even after asking questions for clarification?

  • In a group support setting, you can ask the member if they would feel more comfortable connecting with a listener 1-1.

  • If you are in a 1-1 chat with a member, you can reach out to chat support for assistance if you get stuck like that in a chat.

  • We can also ask the member if it is okay to pass their chat to another listener if you feel like a connection can't be made.

  • It also helps to ask the member their needs and expectations from the chat in 1-1.

  • We never block or ban a member to make their chat go away. And, we try not to abandon a chat.

Participant Question: Hey, I have a question. Is it okay to use fake empathy, even when we do not completely connect with a member's feelings and situation? What is the guideline there? Answer: In such cases I try to empathise with the feelings as much as possible if the situation isn't relatable. We’ve all experienced sadness, anger, joy, and frustrations. Even if we can’t relate to their situation, we can try to remember what those emotions felt like to us. Sometimes empathizing gets really, really hard so you can just focus on validation and reflection there, too.

A Message From Cat: Does everyone know how to set up notifications in sheets (if that's something they'd like to have to be informed about new RS requests, for example)? If not, I can help out. @PuzichkinCat

Conclusion: Thank you everyone for your participation today! It’s been wonderful seeing you all here today. If you have additional questions or concerns, please pm me.