Family Gaslighting, Any Advice?

Hi all! I'm new to this community and hope you all can guide me well. I'm just 22 years old living in a traditional Asian household so I'm pretty much stuck here. All my life I grew up with abusive parents who have gaslighted me and compared me with my siblings who have always followed their plans. I really want to escape this household but all my money goes to my school expenses and food expenses (since I failed to get into the university of their choice. meanwhile they supported my siblings till grad school)

Recently, my mother has started abusing me and gaslighting me again and it has gone worse (threw a knife at me for talking back since I defended myself. So now i have a deep scar on my face)

Im a really carefree person who always jokes around with people. So maybe thats why I couldnt open up to people I know, and if I did, Im pretty sure I'll make the situation very light and make jokes out of it since I don't like talking about it much.

So now I guess I'm here. Lost and unsure and may go into another deep depression as I did before. I really want to get over my slump but everytime go out the room, I see them laughing along with my siblings and my chest feels tight.

I try to cope through work and watching kids shows. It somehow distracts me from a lot and Im very glad that it worked for me for so long, but a deep dark feeling always looms. My chest always feels heavy and despite having enough sleep, even my eyes feel heavy and Ive been feeling tired everyday.

Added with the fact that covid has been keeping me within the house at all times. Its really affecting me, but I have no one to talk to. Thats why Im very grateful to this platform for allowing me to vent like this for the first time without consequence.

Any advice?

Thank You All! Hope you guys are also fighting your own battles fiercely! :)