10 Truths

1)I've never imagined my own wedding, but Say Yes to The Dress is a guilty pleasure show of mine.

2)I know my eating disorder is bad, and I'm getting help, but I can't imagine feeling comfortable about food.

3) I'm so happy to be graduating soon, I'm so done with school, but I'm worried about getting a job and being able to be independent in a reasonable time frame. I'm giving myself a year to get a job and save up and move out.

4)I'm lonely, but I'm not necessarily comfortable around people.

5) I feel like a hypocrite when I tell people everything is going to be okay, when I don't feel that way about myself, however I actually mean it when I say it to other people. I need to work on having more faith in myself

6) I wish I could see the person my friends and family claim me to be.

7)I'm much closer to my father than my mom and I feel awful because t's pretty obvious. We get along better now, but she used to yell at me all the time and just reminded me of her father (my grandfather) who verbally abused me.

8) I don't know what's missing from my life that would make me feel whole and "alive" again

9)I wish life had a pause button so we could all get some much needed rest and sleep from the tolls of daily life.

10) I don't accept affection, physical or emotional, very well do to insecurities. I'm my own worst critic and bully and don't understand why people offer it at times.

1) I lie to people and pretend I'm always okay 2) If you comment on my smile negatively I probanly hate your guts 3) I've been hurt by the closest people to me in the most traumatizing ways 4)I always ruin my relationships in fear of the future 5)I constantly compare myself to others 6) I hate 99% of my life,the people around me and the town I live in 7) I want a vacation from the world 8) I helusinate..ALOT (not drugs or any of that) 9) I have scars (selfharm and other) 10) I'm very insecure no matter how many times you compliment me

1) Everyone thinks that im happy all of the time wich is sometimes true but its mostly because I tend to act like im happy when im sad to make other people happy. 2) Everyone I cared about in my past did something (with or without meaning to) to hurt me in the past which makes it really hard to trust people now even when I know that they would never want to do anything to upset me. 3) When I am really angry I tend to be really mean and regret all of the things I have said/done afterwards and I feel terrible about it. 4) I astand up to other people when they are hurting people i care about but I dont stand up for myself when they are hurting me. 5) I tend to help other people and not myself. 6) Im either really guliable and believe anthing or really suspicious and question everything. 7) I try to hide it whenever somethings wrong or im having a panic attack because i dont like people worrying about me. 8) When people are ignoring me I try to act like it doesnt matter but it kills me inside. 9) Only a cople of people know that I am recoverying from depression and used to self harm. 10) I sometimes get urges to hurt myself although I never have for a year and it scares me.

1) my friends and family think I'm super strong because I'm always helping everyone else. I'm falling apart inside

2) everyone thinks I'm really brave for moving from UK to Germany on my own. I think I was just running away from problems at home.

3) people in work think I'm confident but I'm an anxious wreck

4) my boyfriend lives 700 miles away & im turning into a jealous type :/

5) I love living and working in Germany but most days I feel so lonely and then feel guilty for being lonely because I wanted this and it's an amazing opportunity I'm so grateful for but I still miss my friends and family but I can't tell them I'm sad or they will be disappointed in me for not seizing the day and enjoying such a wonder place I can't switch my brain off I feel guilty about everything even feel guilty about feeling guilty I'm ridiculous xoxo

1) I had a kid at 18 and gave her up for adoption. Very few people know. 2) I am 33 years old and afraid to live alone again. 3) I have a huge fear of highway driving and have not been on one in several years. 4) I have the opposite of OCD - things have to be a little messy and unorganized (clothes of the same color can't be next to eachother for example). 5) I absolutely fear dying all alone yet I always find myself holing myself up in my room so I can be alone/escape. 6) I hate my job so much, but I am great at it. 7) I want to find someone who can handle me without judgment or abandonment, but I'm scared it will never happen. 8) I haven't spoken to any family members in many years. My handful of friends is all I have left. 9) I absolutely love animals and I'm very compassionate/empathetic with them and with people. 10) The only reason I am still alive is because I failed at a prior suicide attempt and I'm too scared to do it again.

1. I feel like an outcast no matter where I go I just feel like I am not apart of this life. Like I don't belong here no matter what I try to do. I constantly feel judged by everyone. Even my family. I never feel good enough or apart. I'm just a lone wolf. Every where I go. 2. I am an addict. I addicted to perfectionism. And my eating disorder. And when that doesn't work, I drink like a fish. And if that doesn't do the job I resort to my medications some times. I don't touch drugs anymore though. 3. The one thing that keeps me going is my neice. She is 4 months old and I love her so much. I want to be there for her when she grows up. I want to be the awesome aunt I am already. She lights up my world. She gives me hope. She literally is the only person I feel comfortable with...even out of my whole family. 4. I used to cut myself bad. Now instead of harming myself because it left such noticeable scars...I color on my self instead. It actually helps and it is beautiful. 5. I am a very paranoid person when I am in my disordered mind set. I think people can read my mind and everyone is talking about me. I become delusional and think if I think about someone in my head they can hear what I am saying. Crazy...right? 6. I just about fuck ed up everything good I had going for me because of my mental breakdowns and disorders. Now it won't be a while until I get enough money to go back to college. I'll never make my parents proud. 7. My life changed when I lost what was an older brother to me. Then the following year 2 days later...loosing my dad after we had an argument and left things on bad terms. I will never stop feeling guilty or hurt by it. I live in regret. Every day. 8. I am poor as shit. Can barely afford my rent. I probably will be homeless in 2 months at this rate and I have no idea what I will do. Or am going to do either. 9. I live in fear everyday. And idk what I'm even scared about. Obviously what I listed above...but it goes further than that. I get scared of life if that makes sense... 10. I often question myself if I'm gay or not because of how much of a tomboy I am. But I could never imagine myself with someone other than my first love (who is male) idk. I fucked that up but I remember then I was raised with like so many boys growing up that that is probably why I am who I am. And heck I fucking like my Tom boy personality. It's the only thing I actually do like about me...is being weird as fuck!!

1. I have no idea who I am

2. I self harm

3. I use drugs as an escape

4. I use sex as an escape 5. My father is the root of my problems 6. I was molested when I was 10 years old by my mother bf 7. I cheated on my boyfriend with a guy a barely knew and I have no idea why 8. I ruin everything 9. I'm a pretty shitty person 10. I lie way too often

1)I've made a living from using humour to cope with my past.

2) I've stopped enjoying even the few things that give me pleasure.

3) I quit my dream job because I couldn't feel anything anymore.

4) I isolate myself.

5) I depend on my long distance boyfriend and I can't tell if he is ultimately good for me but can't let go.

6) I miss so many people.

7) my father committed suicide and I still can't help feel guilty.

8) I was drugged and sexually assaulted and can't help feel guilty.

9) I want to go to Iceland.

10) I know in my core that there is something magical about the world and that life is an adventure. I just need to feel strong again and less terrified and worn out.

There are exactly 10 posts in this page, before mine. So Round 2!
2) [itsnottoday],[Penguine8](but probably for different intentions, comments and reasons),[pannaa02](actually am still trusting and naive, gullible, etc but each has many levels),[quietCoconut850](This is a cheat because it's not 2. We share 1 in common so much!), [Beebop](Never did enjoy much. Liked but enjoyment is scarce. and recently another thing was dropped. Sigh. Ah well. Life! As you live, you learn and there will be more thing, YEP).

Goodnight clones! And a warm hug to those..not? And those who need it to. An unsuspecting one on you, reader! <3

1) i fear affection

2) i'd rather be single and nothave a partner

3) i dont feel important

4) i have abandment issues

5) i've had sex before, but the thought of it now makes me nauseous

6) i hide a lot of my emotions

7) i want kids, but how can i be a good mother if i bring them into this hateful world

8) i hate my body

9) i would save an animal before i'd save a human. without hesitation

10) i dont know how to show affection to men