A Revelation About Being Broken.

For a long while, many years now, I have been utterly broken-hearted, as well as being broken by trauma.

These past 5 months, I've been almost fighting this feeling of being 'broken'.

As if it was a bad thing or something I needed to avoid, or deny, or not accept.

But I've had a recent breakthrough that I felt the need to share and document.

I must accept that I am a broken man.

And I must learn to live to be okay with that.

I cannot be fixed, I am not a machine. I cannot be mended, I am not made of such a material.

I am human. I feel broken-hearted. And that is okay.

I must simply learn to live in a way where I can appreciate the good moments.

Like today, there was a downpour just before I went to feed the ducks at my local nature reserve. And when the skies cleared, a mix of grey and black clouds, along with golden and orange clouds, as it was nearing sunset and in that gorgeous 'golden hour' of light...

There was a break in the clouds and I thought, if I was a painter, in the style of Turner I would capture that sky.

And I realized it's those sorts of moments we often overlook. That make us glad to be alive.

Anything that makes us feel alive. The wind on our skin. The breeze. The quacking of ducks. The sound of water and rippling waves. Rainfall. Sunlight. Clouds.

Everything has a silver lining. If only we open our eyes and allow us to see it.

I love the stars and the moon too. I don't think I'll ever spend enough time stargazing for my liking.

So yeah, I am broken. And I am not going to learn to be okay with that.

There is no fixing me. Because I don't need to be fixed.

This is the way I am now. This is the way I have been for most of my life.

Thanks for reading.