Anxiety rant

Does anybody else obsess constantly about what other people think/say about you when you're not around? Like when I was awkward checking out with that cashier at the store, does she tell her friends about that weirdo that did that thing? Or a coworker going home and laughing about a mistake I made with their partner. I stress about this all the time, I literally can't sleep when it starts. I can't do anything because all of my brain is consumed with these thoughts. They are all there is room for.

Every car I pass, I'm terrified they will hit me. They could swerve. They might not hit their brakes in time. I could literally die in an instant from someone else's carelessness. I literally physically flinch and cover my face so I don't have to watch them hit me when we go through an intersection. Luckily, I am never the driver. I cannot drive. You know, because of the flinching.

If I am away from my house for more than an hour, including at work- which really sucks, I start to get tense and jumpy. Home is my safe place and I have this very small window of opportunity to be away from it before I become terrified. I don't understand it at all. But every single time I leave for more than an hour, hour and a half, I start to panic. Every little thing scared the crap out of me and I jump out of my skin all the time. I am always on edge.

I just don't know if I can handle this much longer but I don't understand what the options are. I didn't grow up with the concept of self care or mental health treatment readily available and so I don't even know where to start. Not to mention what if I see a therapist or doctor and they go home at the end of the day and go "honey, you will not believe this patient I had today... "