@BurkeDevlin and @Celaeno sits around the campfire

@BurkeDevlin, hope you are okay with me creating this thread. I think it will be easier for us to communicate in the longtime ^^ So, let's continue!

I really needed this time off and I think I spent it well. I couldn't combine my work and life changes with volunteering here, at least not at the same capacity and that I would make me feel guilty. However, since the pandemic, I started to think about 7C again, getting curious about how are all the members doing, about new features, etc. And then I've also started therapy for the first time in life, and it was made painstakingly clear to me that I have regressed quite a bit in the self-compassion department ^^ Once again I've become quite critical and judgemental, so in order to avoid any potential relapse I decided to return to my roots. In my case being helpful and kind to others reinforce the habit towards myself. Maybe it is egoistic, but it's the truth ^^; I hope I will manage to check in to 7C once a week, maybe more if times allows it. I really get energized by the support here.

I have heard about the difficult financial situation... Feed was kind of a mess and I can only imagine how hard devs work to make it function, despite all of the lag, missing posts, etc. It would be nice to see some kind of alternative - even having a wall to post on one's profile page would be nice - it really doesn't have to be global if it too tricky to pull off. All of the changes that happened over the years makes me feel a bit confused ^^; For example, I worry that I will answer to someone questions with outdated information ^^;

I am glad to hear that you are doing well, that your kids are healthy and that you have support in your life. Regarding health, I know it is really hard to reach out to professional in a pandemic, but time works against our bodies. I had a little injury during summer - I slipped at home and hit my head on the floor. Fortunately, no concussion, but my coccyx get so swollen and couldn't sit at all. After three weeks of pain, I managed to get an appointment and it turns out I broke the smallest of bones... So yeah, be smarter than me and take good care of yourself.

What do you think about your therapy? It was strange for me, firstly to admit that maybe I need to work on some problems with someone (and not to rely on willpower only), and secondly that I need to be vulnerable and talk about myself, my feelings, etc (I prefer to write it down most of the time). Are you working with some specific framework or methodology or is it more general counselling? I would love to hear your thoughts.

Softball sounds like a nice hobby, but opera is so cool! What was the last project you've worked on? When the MET started to offer free streamings of their productions I regularly watched most of them for the first month (Wagner week was the hardest one xD)

I agree that having a friend hobby group is wonderful. In 2019 I started to play D&D and I meet lots of awesome people that was. I managed to forge a regular game group and now we meet online once a week - it is such a great occasion to socialize and laugh. Those meetings are often a highlight of my week ^^ It is nice to have something to look forward in times where everything is so uncertain.

@Celaeno Of course! I look forward to continuing the conversation.

I’m glad you’re doing therapy too, and feel free to share as much or as little about it as you’d like to. Do you like your therapist and think he or she is the right person for you?

It is very hard to be vulnerable and talk to a stranger face to face - even over a video link - about our feelings, and things that we don’t even like to say to ourselves out loud. I can relate to that, because that’s what’s always stopped me as well. In fact, my first phone conversation with this lady, I wasn’t going to go forward because she gave me kind of a…cold vibe. She came across as remote and business-like - now I know she IS running a business, but I didn’t get a great sense that I could open up with my innermost with her.

Thing is, though, here we have to jump through some hoops to get access to affordable counseling. My employer has an ‘Employee Assistance Plan’ that covers so many therapy visits for each ‘reason’ that you go, but they give you a list of participating therapists, and that’s all you get to pick from.

And it’s a pretty small list.

Made smaller by the fact that it’s always outdated. Half of the providers have moved, or changed practices, or aren’t covered anymore, or don’t deal with YOUR problem.

And calling a phone number to say you need some mental health assistance can take some emotional inertia. It’s hard to screw myself up to do that too many times, frankly.

Also, I really needed to talk to someone about the pressures of my divorce, and about my relationship with my daughter. So in the end, I decided to give this lady a try.

It’s been a little better than I expected. She hasn’t worked miracles with me - I mean, hey, I’ve got over 40 years of neuroses to untangle - but she’s done more good than harm. Sometimes I get a valuable perspective from her, though we aren’t working with any framework or methodology. In part that’s hard because I never know how many more visits I’m going to get before it becomes expensive to go too often.

My last opera was ‘Yeomen of the Guard’. Are you a fan of Gilbert and Sullivan? It was a brilliant, colorful, fun show. I found it very Shakespearean, if that makes sense.

I’m thrilled that you get to plan D&D online and stay social that way! Tell me about your character if you care to! I have never really played D&D, but they make it look like fun on ‘Stranger Things’. Have you seen that show?

And, OMG, speaking of recommendations! Do you remember, shortly before you left, telling me you had just finished ‘War and Peace’ and suggesting that I should read it? Well, I’ve had it in the back of my mind and this Christmas my kids got me a copy! (With money I gave them…ah, parenthood…and they negotiate their budgets up every year.). Sorry it took 3 years to get to it, but I have a looong queue of books and that’s actually not a personal record - a couple years ago I read ‘Guns, Germs, and Steel’, which a grad school classmate had suggested to me…in 1998. Thanks, David.

As I unwrapped it, I did think to myself, “Celaeno, wherever she is, would be proud of me right now.” So a month later I’m about halfway through it and really enjoying it a lot. It’s a super vivid picture of a way of life, and a people, that are now long gone, and I'm treasuring that.

So, since you’re back, I get to say thank you!! What are you reading these days?

@BurkeDevlin

I've tried therapy for three months and then I had to stop due to the financial reasons (oh well...). But it did help me and gave me needed support in times of great distress. She was a really good fit - she stayed professional and not overly-friendly (which I liked), but at the same time she was very kind, smiled openly at my (self-coping) jokes and stayed patient with my critical self-talk. She acted as "a mirror" - I would talk about something, then she would paraphrase and then I would realize on my own that it didn't sound as logically or convincing as I thought ^^ Those sessions made me realized that I have quite regressed and should put more effort in caring for my mental health once again. She did nudge me back into using concrete CBT techniques (writing thoughts and emotions and labelling biases, etc.).

Deciding to book a therapist (or any kind of doctor or professional) is always scary for me ^^; I am sad to hear that you have such a small poll of people to chose from. I was a bit fortunate because I have some friends IRL with whom I can talk about mental health issues. My colleague recommended this therapist for me, so before contacting her I already had some sense of the therapist style and personality. But it was still nerve-wracking. Being vulnerable is so difficult and sometimes even shameful, but without it you rarely can make any progress...

Yeah, I absolutely agree that therapy is not a miracle. It is hard to pinpoint how many sessions you need - to be honest, in the perfect world we should have regular opportunities to reach out to a therapist all the time, to just talk about current stresses because life is just a never-ending cycle of ups and downs ^^; I hope it still gives you a bit of relief.

The financial drain is quite big, and it is great that your workplace has an assistance health plan. Unfortunately, there is no such thing in my place - I don't think anyone even feels even safe to tell my HR department about any mental health problems.

Indeed I am a fan of Gilbert and Sullivan ^^ I would love to watch "The Yeomen of the Guard" - I can bet you were great ^^

I haven't watched Stranger Things. I was mostly getting interested in roleplaying thanks to "Critical Role". It is a series on youtube where a bunch of professional voice actors who are very good friends in real life decided to meet and play DnD. They are having lots of fun, the stories and characters are great and it is a pleasure to watch. So far they have finished one storyline and are at the end of their second. If you're interested there are links: here and here.

In my Dnd group we are playing two different campaigns, so I am playing as two different characters each week:

- 30yo human male cleric called Emil who is such a sweetheart, helpful and kind, but very timid, blushing easily. He lost his older brother to the hungry vampire when they were children and he struggles with survivor guilt. The party loves him it makes me so happy ^^

- 350yo dwarven women barbarian called Milicenta who was getting bored in her retirement, so she decided to pull a heist with her girlfriends, got into trouble and fled into the frosty North. She is a chaotic granny of the group and she's having a small obsession with seeing Yeti with her own (nearsighted) eyes.

I am delighted that you remember my recommendation! Your post makes me so happy, truly I am glad that you even remember that, it was so long ago ^^ Do not worry about the time - I just think "War and Peace" is such a great book if you like European novels and it is still worth reading a classic. I know that is quite long, but if you ever found the time and energy to finish it, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Lately, I found myself reading less and less. I struggle with my concentration which only got worse during pandemic lockdowns. But I want to keep working on that - recently I've been reading mostly fantasy books by Diana Wynne Jones and Juliet Marillier (which often are retellings of folktales and fairy tales) and Japanese novels by Sayaka Murata (she is one of my favourite authors, really happy that I discovered her).

I am glad that we can still chat, even after so many years. It is so nice to recognize a friendly face on the Internet. I hope you're having a good week. I am always here for you, Burke, if you need any kind of support.

Lots of love!

@Celaeno You should definitely give Stranger Things a try. The first season is eight episodes, I think, so it’s not a huge investment.

Actually, my daughter got me into it. And I’ll always be kind to the show, because it gave her and me something in common to enjoy and talk about at a time where it didn’t seem like there was much else. (My son watched it too, but she was the real fan.)

One cool thing - for us - is that it’s set in the 80s and the main characters are kids who are about the same age as I was back then. From my kids’ point of view, it’s an ‘exotic’ setting. No cell phones! No home computers! Kids played — outside! And they thought it was really cool that I had been there, right? I could talk to them about how it really was like that and they listened to my stories. I read the same comics, watched the same movies, cared about the same things, that Mike and his crew did. And my gang and I rode our bikes around town from after school till dark just like them too.

So, thanks for the cool dad points, Stranger Things. It is also a good story. I have a quibble or two, but it’s creepy and fun.

I’m totally gonna finish War and Peace. I’m about 2/3 of the way through it, maybe 3/4. I will definitely post back and let you know when I’m done and what I thought. I’m really enjoying it so far. I like the detailed capsule of what life was like in a bygone age (maybe as foreign to me as the 80s are to my kids!), and the characters and scenes are very well drawn. The history lessons always win me over too. :-)

I’m glad therapy helped you for awhile, and I hope you’re able to resume at some point. I feel like my therapist and I have reached a point of diminishing returns and will probably back off to doing monthly check-ins, maybe. She is useful to talk to for a sound perspective, but isn’t really ‘fixing me’ if you know what I mean, though maybe that was too much to ask. Speaking of ‘fixing me’, I start physical therapy on Monday for my aching shoulder. A week ago I got a cortisone shot and it’s feeling better, but I was told that the PT will be key towards healing it as well as is possible.

There is actually a pretty good chance I’ll be able to play softball this summer if we do, which makes me very happy. I’ve taken to the treadmill with new vigor, to ensure that I can make it around the bases if that comes to pass.

I should clarify that I wasn’t actually in Yeomen. I was on the backstage crew, which fits my talents a lot better. :-). Having said that, I was offered the chance to join the chorus, not because someone discovered by raw, beautiful voice, but because they were short on men! Unfortunately, I had to postpone by big break, because my schedule with the kids makes it hard for me to attend all rehearsals. For the same reason, I had to turn down an Assistant Stage Manager job, which really would have wanted to do, but - one of these years.

Hey, I got some good news yesterday! Earlier in the year, my dad had told me that he was planning to move to Florida in the spring. He’s my last relative who hasn’t moved somewhere else. And Florida is far enough that it’s expensive and time consuming to visit (plus I don’t really like Florida - honestly would rather spend my limited vacation time elsewhere), so there went the last family member I could see regularly. So yesterday he called me and said he’s had second thoughts and the move wasn’t happening after all. As long as he’s happy, I’m happy, and I think he is. He lives on a golf course and doesn’t have to deal with (many) hurricanes. What’s not to like? :-D

That’s the roundup, my friend. Mostly just hanging out with the family and re-investing in my technical skills. Pandemic life, for good or ill. (No pun intended.)

I hope you’re doing better this week, and that offer of support goes both ways. If you need an ear or anything else I can do, I’m a tag away. Please let me know how you are, and we’ll talk soon!

Love,

Burke

Hi @BurkeDevlin! Sorry for the radio silence these couple of months. I have battled workplace burnout which unfortunately transformed into depressive relapse, despite my best efforts.

I put "Stranger Things" into my watching list ^^; However, I am really into samurai movies lately - right now I am watching "Rurouni Kenshin" series. It is about a noble samurai who was a very "effective" assassin during the Meiji restoration's conflicts, but after the war, he vows to never take anyone's life ever again. It is based on comics, but damn, it has such good cinematography, costumes and music. Great pacing in narrative, too.

I love watching movies with my parents! They are already retired and I think they've already familiar with the entire Netflix library ^^; Every time I am visiting them we watch their current show obsession. I treasure these little moments with my familiar - they are so mundane and precious at the same time.

I am glad to hear that you enjoy "War and Peace"! It is such a rich, multilayered book that I strongly believe everyone can find something for themselves in it.

I have booked a therapist for myself for next week, so we will see how it'll go! I understand your perspective - most of the time it is not about "fixing you", but those meetings should also feel purposeful.

You've mentioned therapy of your shoulder - how are you feeling lately?

Glad to hear you have so many hobbies to look forward to! And being involved in the production of the opera or choir is as cool as anything else ^^ You do not have to have a talent for something to appreciate your own energy and enthusiasm. Be kind to yourself ^^

Great news about your father! One less stressful thing off your plate. I understand you - for me, it is also important to be close to my family members. And for what that counts - I also do not like Florida, but maybe it is only my European perspective xD Not even the amusements parks could sweeten the deal for me to move there.

Best wishes,

C