Confession about naughty stuff

Hello,

I never done this before, well kind of in church but not like this. I am going to be honest about everything.

1. When mommy gives me snacks I hide them in a box under my bed and I don't know what to do with them now.
2. I want daddy to come home and hit me and I want him to abuse me so I can feel better that I have been punished
3. I don't care if things hurt because I know that feeling and it is safe.
4. I have been using a paperclip to strach myself so it hurts.
5. I still have a dummy (I don't know the Canadian word for that) and I don't care if people think I am a baby
6. I really want to swear just because I know I am not allowed to.
7. When the police asked me questions I wanted to lie so I said I did not remember which is kind of true.
8. I don't really like Canada I like Spain, France, Britain and Belgium. Here they talk funny and I don't always understand them.
9. People sometimes scared that I remember stuff really easily, its just how my brain works it is not my fault.
10. I really don't want to follow the rules I was given even though I have to.

I think that is it but the rules are:
- If I feel confused or scared I have to draw or write down how I feel (In English the most difficult language)
- I have to keep talking the medicine which is ok I guess.
- I have to sleep in my own bed unless I have a bad dream then I can sleep in mommy's bed
- I don't mind these two they are nice, I am getting fiary lights for my room and also bottles of different smells
- I have to write down the questions I have but then I get told off sometimes
- This is the worst thing ever - I have to eat and sit at the table until I have finished or I have to go stay in hospital
- I have to read the books that I was given about people being hurt which is not nice.

The rest are nice rules
- If I get scared I have to find mommy or if I am to scared then its ok to hide under my bed,
- Keep reading my normal books
- Cuddles are good
- I have to have lots of teddies around my bed at bedtime to protect me
- I can listen to music or play the violin unless its night time
- Its ok to be scared

Also no one will tell me what PTSD is or sexual abuse is, I get the word abuse that is when you get hurt. No one will tell me when daddy is coming home and why is it important that I weigh 19kg and what does BMI 15.2 mean. Also why do people try to call me Emily and Amalie at the same time, its ok to call me Emily but if you want to call me by my real name its AM-I-Lee. I wish people would pick one rather than call me Amily or just ask how to say my name if they want to call me Amalie. Also why do I have to have parental controls on my computer so I can't find things out.

I think that is it. Sorry but I feel better now.

Amalie