Diary of Modal0154: open to replies
In the interest of 'maintaining my well-being', my previous thread
https://www.7cups.com/forum/GeneralSupport_28/DiaryEntriesConnections_1597/Modal0154journalopentoreplies_212443/
has been discontinued.
___
Indigestions issues still there?..
I don't believe in gender fundamentally and masculine identity never seemed one to put up/bare w/me anymore than I uncoercively really entertained it but I am still to watch this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SezGJNNZmtI if I so choose.
@Modal0154
0:54
~"The essential characteristic of the cool man is an aura of invulnerability, well handled.."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lshzZhHAYIs
3:34
~" The essence of the warm man is vulnerability well-handled"
@Modal0154
Missed opportunity in not mentioning this to my dad while at a restaurant?..
@Modal0154
Surely you are sadly ignorant or severely suffering in the self-understanding department if you don't think vulnerability, the feeling of vulnerability can make you feel young again.
@Modal0154
While listening to https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvVnP8G6ITs&t=1291s , I think to myself how much of feminism comes off as off-putting to ppl b/c of how fairly alien it is for female identifying persons to come off w/an impression of invulnerability.
@Modal0154
"When men cry they need help"
How many males who have drinking era grew up during the 'crying is unacceptable era =_= ?..
*This website* is closer to an actual 'antisocial social club' than some stupidly named irony-craving wannabe brand.
For all those fools who pretend they are too good to listen to or take mental health seriously.
I realized after counselling yesterday how I like positive feedback* at work--'when everything is going fine/right, no one complains..or really comments beyond not uncommonly something about tedium as 'hard-earned' as the ambience might be
..considering my reservations for my imeediate 'higher-up', her attitude and her style of reprimanding this is important to me..that 'jaded, counting until retirement' attitude is the sort I don't trust--beyond the bloody liberty of indifference, there might be an impulse to exploit in that performance outcome is objectively better after reprimands but only my shortcomings ever get pt.'ed out **, hence leaving me in perpetual tenseness and anxiety ***
--- so far I remember her actually saying "good work" once , months ago after doing a shift on my own on what I think was a Saturday when we were leaving/closing up.
*esp. from my imeediate 'higher-up'
** this was the vibe I got from a fool who I did co-op under at a pharmacy years ago in high school, mainly doing again shelving related tasks.
*** as parody based as this is https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IV_6RYVbNaw , it's why I am sssooo skeptical about non-'white collar' or post-tertiary sector ppl saying that 'work was easier to find in the old days'..that ethos of not being afraid of hard (effortful,mainly physical) *labour* *cough* correction *cough* 'work' [=_= don't pretend your too good to think semantics are important jacka-- ! >:I ] was all it took to be employed..how often would uncaring higher-ups essentially spend possible decades only pt.'ing out flaws b/c of that stupid attitude of quasi-meritocratic entitlement to criticize?.
I realize something, something, a link my brother once sent me that I could probably dig up from past fb msg's sometime..that could also apply to myself and me only pt.'ing out my short-comings instead of (self-(?))complimenting my good work.
Underthinking. Underthinking is a thing.
@Modal0154 people need to realize that more
My alumna mater's gym reception area would seem like a prime place..practice of 'office admin' diploma (so counter-intimidatingly placid)..
..I could spend time in self-hatred for (more so in the past) not being one to believe in nigh-anything unless in pain or..
F--k YouTube and society and the media for presenting such a showboating image of gyms!..
currently at a gym..
As I thought, as I dreaded...
....w/little real fitness knowledge and years of possible maladaptation to imitation of fitness vids, I struggle to commit w/out musical motivation which is distracting b/c d--n am I picky about music to listen to while working out.
*sigh* if I leave..
Unsettling exit of a final vistor at the library--thankfully dropped off, though my dad was not sober.