Goodbye
I don't want you dead but i personally feel your pain and would love to die
@Floodedcrissis I read your other post and know only the background that you shared. It seems like your defensive mechanism is in full gear for obvious reasons. I can't fault you for that. It seems like the forum may not be providing you with what you need. I'll offer you one piece of advice... Browse for a listener. Use the search functions available and then look for a 'verified listener.' There are many highly qualified listeners available that care and want to help. I'd recommend telling them upfront what you need so you get the most out of your talk. Best of luck.
I hope you see this before making any permanent decisions.
Can this action can at least be delayed? I genuinely hope so.
Please, be gentle with yourself. Be patient and kind with yourself. I'll bet you'd show me (a complete stranger) kindness, gentleness, and patience. It is so much harder to do this for ourselves, than others, at least for me anyway.
Looking for help is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of strength. To some extent we are all suffering. Try and find someone you can talk to that doesn't think they have answers, but care about you and (more importantly) care about you just the way you are NOW.
I am a stranger, yet for some reason, I care and am in great pain just knowing how deeply you are suffering and how badly you want the pain to end. Saying, "I've been there" is BS. I won't kid you; I don't know your pain! What brings us (all) together is that we are all (in one way or another) suffering.
Please, try again. Please try another day. I feel fortunate to have come across your post. I hope to hear from you again. If you'd like take one guess at what my email is from my username here ;) You can blow off steam, I won't interrupt. You can talk and I won't attempt to supply answers (although I may suggest you look for help from someone smarter than me). I won't ramble on about my life, unless you'd like to hear it. We can share Ted talks (ted.com). We can share poetry from others our own.
It's your decision ultimately. If you don't have to decide right now, maybe you can postpone it.
I care. I hope you can find strength. ( I hate saying, "good luck" when luck has nothing to do with it.
J-