HeartAche and longing

Dear diary,

I miss him, I guess having adhd doesn’t help when you have heart ache. It’s only been 4 months, in a span of three weeks I have lost so much weight and weighed 43kg/97lbs. I trusted him and loved him with all my heart. In my culture we only have tht one person and we try our best to keep it to one and u knew tht. As my ex fiancé u brought alot of shame to my family and I. Did u even care how I felt. 7 years together, wht did tht mean to you? U knew I trusted u and u were the only person I relied on and trusted u without question. Do you know what type of betrayal does tht to a person like me? How much pain tht causes. I preferred u were dead, tht way I didn’t have to question and I could move on. My life feels like a movie, why couldn’t u stand up for me, why couldn’t u protect me. You promised me u would take care of me for the rest of my life. My family mourns for me and they can do nothing. Yet I don’t even hate you. All I feel is sadness and pain because I love you unconditionally. I wish u just became better, I wish you could fight for me. I’m tired and I’m exhausted. I never felt jealousy before in my life and when I see couples, all I feel is pain and jealousy. I hate this feeling because it’s not me. Was I wrong seeing ur potential. I hate being in love, I’m at the point where I just don’t want to do this anymore. But I won’t give up. I just need to pass this stupid calamity and then I will be better.