I NEED SERIOUS ADVICE - PLEASE HELP
Im still on this unmanagable carnival ride and cant find the way out. The stresses of finding an apartment coupled with keeping my basic daily chores has been giving me bad anxiety. My landlord is pressuring me to move out because I asked him to bring this place up to codee. What he is doing breaks lawws and my rights, but if i turn him in I'm very afraid of what he might do to me. Pluse he is a fellon with a big safee full of firreaarms which is another big fellony. I want to find a place to move, and get out but I'm having a really hard time. I don't have anybody to help. I really could use a friend to help me figure a good way out from under this stressful situation. I had called the crisiss line several times in dec. and almost again yesterday. Im very sorry. I know i need to learn to advocatte for myself, but he has bullied me for so long that my fears are preventing my abilities. He let the air out of my tire last week, and he doesnt like my front porch light on and he slapped it which blows the bulb on Saturday. Seven bulbs so far in the last year. He gets drinking and gets very loud, its been worse since i finally spoke up about all that needs fixing. For eight years he made me pay my rent of seven hundred fifty per month in cash and i had to buy the reciept books over the years. He signed each time but he never takes his copy so im pretty sure he hasnt paid any taxes. He makes me share his post box, and sometimes they give me my mail that looks like it was steamed open. Eight years is ninety six monthly payments equals seventy two thousand dollars I've paid so far. If i turned him in for the gunz, the the taxes, plus the illegal apartment that doesnt meets codes he would be in big trouble. I never want to cause problems for anybody. But he is putting me in a very difficult situation. I feel very much in danger and im not a snitch. What should i do?
A bit of a late reply. No worries. Its ok to let it go. That guy will surely get his dose of healthy karma one day. What is important is that you find a new place quickly & be safe & be at peace. Do keep updating here. We all are here to support you. :)
@sincereNectarine8263
Its been a scary situation and I had an anxiety attack early this morning. I guess its just that being disabled while having very little real physical support makes me feel so vulnerable. I do the best I can, and rely on faith to keep the anxiety away, but i see this as something potentially where i can end up homeless in 4 or 5 months if i make any mistakes. Hope is what keeps me going into the unknown future. Its been a long process of loosing my mobility. And so hard to except it, and the medication to make it barable is so strong, and i hate taking it because it makes me feel like an addict even though I dont abuse it, it affects my thinking, and I wake up feeling effects of dependance. Ive taken it for almost 7 years, and never ran out early, or made any excuse to get more, no games. But it affects me regardless. I feel like I need somebody to take me under their wing so i can have some sence of security. Im too self conscience, and this landlird has pounded my self esteem for a long time. I still try to be kind, and smile, and make progress, but im scared because my endurance diminishes a little bit more every day. Its been hard to know all i need to accomplish yet know I need to sleep, or wait till another day to shop when I have more strength. I keep going forward through the clouds knowing God is leading me. All the kind people responding is great, i want to make sure i do everything i can to ensure I find a safe place within my budget so i can be in a friendly enviroment and keep working to improve any ways possible.
Thank you very much for your care and friendship 
@feelNeglected77
I feel you. Know that there is day after night, & night after day. I am sure that you will soon get your new place. :)
@sincereNectarine8263
Thank you so much, I know I have to believe that is going to happen, so I can be upbeat, and present well. It's like they say "Speak it into reality" It's going to be great once I'm settled in the new place, and getting involved in some healthy social life routine. One I find a nice balance, and except my limitations so I can be present in something new. I might volunteer at a senior center just to have a nice place to be around nice people and do crafts, or play cards, but I'd really enjoy that.
Thanks again. I hope you're doing good, and have a nice self-care routine that you enjoy too.
Blessings!!
@sincereNectarine8263
Thank you, it's nice to have you all validating my thoughts. I've been in this bad situation so long that I've really started wondering "What's wrong with me?" I really always was very kind and helpful and never met anybody so evil that would go out of there way to hurt and control another. Being disabled gives this man pleasure. It's been so hard to explain all of this, and to gather myself together and try to get out. I'm doing him a huge favor by not involving the authorities yet he continues to badger me. Hopfully I will find something and find that peace.
I appreciate you kind words very much!!
A harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
I sold something online and when the guy was here buying it, he offered to help me one day, and them texted me this
"Hey, I'll help you out with that move. Getting rid of unneeded things helps relieve some stress for sure! Not sure when I can come by but definitely soon, can I let you know when I've got a day?"
But 2 weeks later when I asked if he was still planning to come some day, he started saying "dont you have people to help? Etc."
I just responded with
"Id never have asked for help but you offered. If you dont want to its fine. But why would you have gotten my hopes up? Im a disable veteran and I see this happen a lot. We are forgotten and its such a challenge and I suffer every day just hoping somebody will lend a hand. Its all good. You seemed like a really nice kind person, and are in no way obligated."
In the end I feel abandoned 😔
@feelNeglected77
Perhaps it was for the best ! Since there is no option of private messages in member account, why dont you pm me in my listener account ? Look up SilverKnight007 among listeners. :)
@sincereNectarine8263
Ok, thank you, I will
@sincereNectarine8263
I'm just glad that I've progressed to the point that instead of feeling bad about myself as usual, I realized it was nothing I did wrong, and I spoke up about it in a kind way. Maybe he learned something too
My situation is the cause of all my anxiety and worries, and finding a new apartmeny within a 7 week time frame is extremely scary due to my finances, health, and lack of help. Just knowing if i dont get some good luck and more money, my new address might be park bench #4
If your motivation for wanting a roommate is to make life simpler and less stressful, I'm with you! I'm a very laid back easy-going older man looking for a calm roommate.
Hows this? @beyondrepairs
@feelNeglected77
I would certainly answer to that🤗😊
@beyondrepairs 😁
Im trying to get a good basic ad out and get this living situation solved so i can relax soon
@feelNeglected77
Try several variants and use them all, as many texts you have increases your chance for a succesful hunt...
Maybe don't say a roommate, maybe you find a family to elcome you or a woman who feels scared living alone...
You never know so keep your options wide...
@beyondrepairs
Ok, i better put down the 7 cups so i can jugle this search. Will see you soon brother
Look at Tommy Hawk in fake names 😁
@feelNeglected77
(I'm so glad to have you as my friend😶...)
