Jan 2017
I am feeling less me, I don't have a place to live, me and my kids live with this elderly woman, I can't stand this place ,our bedrooms are closet size, always ants every where, even though I clean all day, the place stinks, I think the woman crap herself, I am not a nursing home caregiver, I have no where to turn , I am sick to my stomach, the woman's daughter doesn't even care,I feel used, I care for her In exchange for living here,but the daughter owns the place and only pays utilities with her mother's money, I am confused ,I am torn between being angry and hopeless and stuck in this awful, horrible place, my kids deserve a real life. I will escape with my kids ,I am really tired, exhausted and haven't felt this way in a long time. I feel like no one really cares, I want to just go off by myself and scream!
When you think things can't get worse, and then they do. I used to be a smart, got it together and happy, mostly, person, but now I have sunk to the new me of letting someone who is supposed to love me, say awful things , curse me out and make me feel useless. I forget how I even got to this point, but I know one thing, it has got to change or there will be " a straw thar broke the camels back" one day and I will make a decision without thinking, and not he prepared. I need to plan , but I am not a good planner.
@jr50
Do you think he is just taking his frustrates out on you? It's so easy to do that to the ppl we are closest to. I can be soo mean to my mom. I can try to help you plan if you want
@Brooke91
Frustrations*
@Brooke91. No I think he is incapable of caring for anyone and he has severe mental health issues, but is avoiding because in his mind he is perfect, if I make a mistake, I am stupid and good for nothing . If he does , it is someone else's fault
@jr50
I'm sorry you have to deal with someone like that :(
@Brooke91. Thank you for reading my venting 
Yet another day and if I can't make a plan soon, I will be done trying, I hate this place, it stinks and is so cluttered, my husband is a slob, I guess he thinks I am his personal slave. All I do is clean and do laundry, I am getting tired, I know I have to make a sensible plan and not rush, I need a job and money saved.
1 am and insomnia is keeping me awake, my brain is just trying to solve and sort out someone else's problem. Yet again, I am hated . I am feeling trapped, I need a vacation from this drama, and my hands hurt so bad, Today, I am not sure which is causing anxiety, my stress, depression or pain. I am dreading tomorrow, I am not ready to be personal assistant to this woman again ,weekends are too short, and no enjoyment in waiting for weekends, I feei like my life is just passing me by. I am trying to be thankful for my ok days, to get through these days.
What you do you?
My husband is a very hard working man, he works all day week days at his regular job and helps his dad on Saturday. He works the kind of job where he has different hours sometimes, like super early morning type of thing. Anyways, the point is that, we don't get a whole time together and most of the time I'm alright, I just feel badly for our girls (2 and 3yrs old). But because of these early morning hours he's super tired and worn out (understandably) and passes out super early, so I feel like I never see him. And summer is busy season for his work, so it'll only get worse.
My husband wasn't able to go to my uncle's funeral with me (last week), and with his (my uncle) passing I've really been kinda more depressed than usual, and just thinking about mortality. At first I couldn't eat, now I can't sleep. I really need my husband, he's my rock, my everything. And even though I know he wants to be there for me, he pretty much can't be. There's really no solution, we just spend as much time as we can on our one day together. But it is hard, I feel like a single parent.
@HaveYouSeenAlice. That is awesome, I am glad your husband is your rock, but sorry you don't have time together, I miss having a healthy relationship, my husband stays away as much as possible, we have been together 13 yrs. And had many rough years, but now all that doesn't mean anything to him, I can't talk to him, he just ignores me or trys to start an argument, he won't go to professional, says he doesn't need to talk to anyone. I have been to my pastor many times in tears, but have learned that he really isn't much help, so I pray, I believe in miracles ,and mine is going to happen, might be short time, or maybe long but if not , I have started making boundaries, if he starts calling me names, putting me down or just yelling profanity at me , I walk away, hang in there, a good marriage is so important. And lots of love
@jr50
Wow that's awful I'm so sorry. If my mum wasn't computer/technology challenged I'd swear you were her. But they've been married 25 yrs.
I hope things get better for you, just l please don't let things go too far. My mum let him abuse her and us kids for years and may still to this day for all I know. She is too proud and clings to her religion too much to leave him, even though "biblically" she could.
@HaveYouSeenAlice. Thank you for your kind words, I am sorry that your mom is in that situation, and that you had to live with abuse, I hope you are in a better place now!
Today I have decided to find something daily to be thankful for, I am tired of feeling rejected, unloved and useless, so here is Sunday I am thankful for @Aidedplacebo and the few other listeners and the members of 7 cups that have all given me much needed encouragement, just when I felt like giving up, I would get a message or several that would uplift me. I have had many people who have helped me, I hope in turn to help others see that there is always hope, even at the darkest moments, which I have had so many . I am on a new path , this will not be easy, but I plan to have a happier life for me and my kids.
@jr50
We're always here for you whenever you need, we're just a message away!! I can see the wonderful person that you are and I will always try my best to help you feel supported and safe!! I'm glad you're setting out on a new path, one that will hopefully lead to happiness and security for you and your children, you deserve to feel at ease and happy!! I wish you the best and am sending happy thoughts your way!!
@Aidedplacebo, your kindness brings tears to my eyes !
I am here yet another day, yesterday was rough ,I tried so hard to be nice,vut I I got was sarcasm, I don't think he even remembers why he stopped talking to me, I know I dont,but talking to him just makes him verbally attack me, and I don't need that, I still haven't figured out a wise solution, I am just so tired and weary of the struggle .
@jr50
I am so sorry to hear that yesterday was rough and that he spoke to you in that way. You don't deserve that kind of treatment at all, you deserve to be respected and treated as an equal, not diminished and spoken to sarcastically. I hope today proves to be a better day for you and that you can make some progress with your plans in the near future. Remember that we're always here for you whenever you need or want us!! I wish you the best of luck and am sending happy thoughts and hugs your way!!
@Aidedplacebo. I am relaxed now, alone which is perfect, older woman sleeping, and 3 hrs till I have to get my kiddos, so I am enjoying the peace, thanks for your encouragement! Hope your days goes well!
Last day of January! It was ehh, could have been better but it could have been worse too. I was ignored mostly, better than be blamed for everything and yelled and cursed at. Tomorrow is my busy day, so I visited be exhausted, but I am busy enough to keep my troublesome thoughts at bay! Still a few hours till bedtime.