Journal of a freakin exhausted mama

I suppose I'm writing this here because I want to feel ever so slightly less alone. I do not really have any friends, which feels pathetic as an almost 30-year old woman. My only friend is, for lack of a nicer way to put it, a toxic mess who is stressful to be around 70% of the time. I feel so incredibly lonely most days. I work from home, and while I chat with coworkers via text throughout the day, being home alone makes me so aware of the emptiness of no friends. So here I write.

My husband was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and while his meds somewhat help and he is now in therapy, I cannot shake my resentment for the last 5 years of stress and neglect he has put me through. I have been either the sole or main breadwinner for the entirety of our marriage, mainly because he decided to switch careers completely and go to grad school. I have been the main person ever taking care of the house, because of his undiagnosed ADHD behaviors. I am the main parent for our 1-year old child. I do all the yard work. I do so. freaking. much. And I am so, so tired.

Unfortunately, it's not as simple has just telling my husband to do better, because his ADHD brain literally can't just DO that. It isn't wired that way. He is working with his therapist on ways to, essentially, "adult" better, but it is a slow process, and I am still so overworked and so tired. He WANTS to be better, which is honestly the hardest part, because I KNOW he is a good, kind person, but his ADHD gets in his way. 

That being said, his behaviour, no matter how unintentional, does hurt me. It does exhaust me. And I've spent the last 4 years without his diagnosis thinking that I married a complete jerk. And those 4 years of feelings are hard to reconcile with now knowing that he has ADHD and that it truly wasn't intentional. I am beyond glad that he is taking his diagnosis seriously and trying to do better, or otherwise I would leave. And every single day I struggle with how the heck I live like this.