Just Leftover and Used

I just really need to write my thoughts out, I have no other way to vent besides writing. I recently came up with the idea that I'm a leftover, a used leftover. I'm 20 now, and throughout my life I have never felt truly loved by someone other than family. I've dated and had serious relationships but they always amount to nothing. They always break up with me for some reason. I'm not good enough, I'm an embarassment, I'm don't have a big butt, I'm too weird, I offer no future because of my disease (Cystic Fibrosis.) Its been a year since my last relationship and many days I feel lonely and sad. Because of this I crave affection in any way. I've found myself to be hooking up with guys who I'm interested in. Everything goes well, until after we have sex. Then I'm nothing again. I've been used and thrown out more times than I can count. I just want to be loved. I'm not a mean person, I'm a bubbly, happy person on the outside. I truly care for people. Yet I am never good enough. Even though I've been called attractive many times I can't see it. I don't like looking in the mirror, I don't like people seeing me naked (keep the lights off) I fear they will be dissappointed in how I look, I can look at myself and see 100 imperfections or things I want to change in a minute.

I'm just a leftover. So many have used me by now. I'm nothing more than an object at this point. No one wants to be with someone like me. Nobody wants used goods.

I just wish I could be truly loved for once.

But nobody loves used goods, nobody loves a leftover.