Just sad...maybe it

This year has been a time of great change in my life. One of those changes was finally cutting complete contact with my emotionally and mentally abusive parent. Most of the time, Im ok but I guess around the time of my birthday and holidays, grief just hits me (our relationship has been difficult for years, so its been an ongoing cycle).

I dont even know if Im sad because Im imagining how he feels or if Im missing the father figure he never was/the good moments of my childhood. Either way, I feel very lonely. None of my blood family is close, it often feels like were just strangers connected by biology.

I just want to not feel so alone for once. Or at least be more okay with being lonely. The only good thing about the holidays is that Im working, so Ill be distracted throughout most of it. Cant wait for it to be over.