Let me go

I thought I might as well name my diary let me go since the world seems to not want to let me go. People keep trying to take my freedom from me. They keep trying to make me do things that I don't want to do. I'm tired of living like this. I'm set my mind on leaving my family and starting afresh but the guilt won't even let me sleep in peace. Even though i've been robbed of everything because of them, I still feel a sense of guilt for leaving them. What angers me the most is how annoyed people have been acting because of the lockdown. It's like the world has ended now that they can't go out. Guess what? I've been living like that for the past 6 years. I wasn't even allowed to go to birthday parties, forget meeting my friends just to have fun. Noone came to meet me and I wasn't allowed to go anywhere except school. Even when I have to go to a nearby store, my parents don't let me go alone. I'm not even allowed to go to the terrace alone. I just don't understand what their logic is for keeping me like this. They seem to think that if they don't let me meet people, I will become obedient and won't turn out to be a slut. Well they're wrong, all they've done has only made me a more rebellious and hateful person if anything. When my parents complain of not being able to go outside, I wanna rip their jaws off for not even thinking of me once. How shameless must they be to not see something that's right in front of them? My father is especially a hypocrite. He does things that make it seem like he cares about me but then he calls me a slut and hits me and threatens to kill me when I stand up for myself. I keep thinking about what they'll think of me when I disappear suddenly. They'll look for me for sure. They won't let me go just like that. Letting me go will ruin their reputation. Reputation is all that matters. I wonder if they'll think I ran away with a guy? or if it was one of my friend who encouraged me to run away? What I know for sure is that they won't realise even for a second that it's because of them that I went away. They'll probably blame it on me being a slut, or a fool or maybe both.