Look into the flames and see what they say 🔥

I'm in the box

​​I want my own space

So, I'm a bit stuck however you want to call it - literally and idiomatically. I have a lot of time kill and plan things right now and I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone.

My general atmospheric calm was ruined when where I live was ddizrupted by the stomping of footsteps and wailing of kids. I don't know what to make of my place I am at right now. I'm super homesick and I miss my friends and my family but I have issues there as well. I'm caught in the middle.

I am having less and less sympathy for the woman who I had contact with first as times as passed and as weird stuff has progressively happened. She's ill, and she is on the system. She sleeps on the sofa at night or her husband does and I don't get that. There's another woman but she stays at home with her two kids. There's a girl who is next to me but she works sporadically. There is also a kid opposite me who coughs all the time. There's another dude who comes in intermittently but I've hardly seen him. Today, I realised I am literally in a mad house after the kettle went missing for five minutes and the woman began shouting nonsense.

I am in a room that has no blinds and everything is used. I got fed up of having the same conversation with my parents. I am concerned if I go home to live with my family I will become the nursemaid which is what I don't want. Most of my friends are abroad and don't come back until the summer. I don't like the area I am in and I am really starting to regret my decision of ever coming to this city.

I want my flat back. I am really missing that place and after processing all the anger because I know this wasn't just me who played a part in all of this I don't know what to do. I know I have to wade through this and sift through this and it's going to change but I have to make a final decision at some pint which is why I am taking baby steps.

But right now in this present moment this is the worst place I could be right now.

Also I'm annoyed since my headphones went kaputt, I found out there was a another key to my room, the woman started banging on my door for cushions three days in a row, and then ringing my parents like mad and her husband lost his temper, and I haven't left my room or the house since then Because obviously someone can go in. I'm not also legally secure with a lease.

It's also past 9, I'm tired and I haven't seen a university student in five weeks.

Urgh just getting this out.

I'm sure it'll be fine.

Goodnight.

Rambles

I also think my parents have lost the plot with the type of texts they have recently been sending.

I also don't trust the people here after the woman called my parents and started speaking on my behalf.

I don't get why I should not be able to directly speak to my parents.

And then my mum stopped something a few weeks back which cut my progress literally by fifty.

I don't appreciate being excluded from the dynamic of if it is about me.

I people don't know me well enough

this is not me

yep I hate it here

but I should probably be really grateful because I've got all the basics without being allowed to express my self right?

seems pretty reasonable.

...not.

I hate it here.