Marie's Diary
Hi there, I am 30 years old. I am from Panama. I love music, I draw sometimes too. I want to become a yoga teacher.
Today I feel sad. I lost my job recently and I feel worthless, useless. I am sorry but I tend to measure my worth if I study and/or work. I just feel so weird staying at home. I was so happy earning some money, staying away from my family which is really annoying. I liked my job. And this time of the year tends to be hard for me. I tend to depression. The day was alright but suddenly I became sad.
@Totheskyandbeyond *hugs if you are okay with it* Hey Marie, I'm so sorry to hear you are struggling. Your emotions are totally valid; many people feel deeply tied with their work/studies. I can't imagine how strange of an adjustment you had to make. This time of year definitely brings many down. How have you been coping lately?
I really appreciate you opening up to us, and I hoped writing these posts have helped you. If you ever wish to talk with someone, the listeners are always here for you. Best wishes, and hope to hear from you. It's always nice to see you around the community.
@lovelyWhisper66
Hey there lovely.
Adjustments:
Yeah my scheduled was from 3:30 pm to 11:00 pm so I am returning to another schedule more "normal" so to speak.
Back to allowance from mom.
Back to focus on studies I guess and practice yoga which it is going slow the progress so far.
Sometimes I feel very sleepy and sleep a lot on Saturday or Sunday
Coping:
Well I draw today or at least tried.
I also listened and kind of dance a little of belly dance.
I write here too (Today there has not been a check in on Depression Support)
I do take a shower every day, a little late (midday) but I do.
I at least have two meals. I am trying to go to the breakfast too.
I went out today for sushi
I have made exercises, I think was last Friday.
@lovelyWhisper66 Thanks you always following me up.
I was editing my facebook profile and I found so much anger and sadness in the past years. I have struggled for a long time. I just feel like I am not making any progress not matter what I do. I will keep trying my best in everything always. But it's just like ugh.
I feel so lonely even among people. Always all so busy and I am just kind of waiting for someone to at least give me an interview.
I don't get along with my family so...
12-19-18:
I woke up a little late for my doctor's appointment (psyquiatrist), I was very sleepy. I didn't even eat breakfast or drink coffee. I just went straight to the bathroom to get a shower.
I was late so she was gone after a few minutes I arrived. So it's pending. Then I went back home and I ate lunch. I took a nap, I woke up listened music and order food (Greek food) a dish called Lapdosomo.
And now I am writting this, listening music again.
Emotions:
Mostly sad, down. Except of course when going to the psychiatrist I was in a hurry so no time to think.
Also sleepy and hungry (Maybe my period is coming)
Greetings to all! Happy Holidays in advance
12-20-18:
I have no activities today. I ate a good breakfast, drank coffee and take my medicines. I was so bored in the morning. I began therapy on this website too. I looked a listener before that and she was very nice.
I ate lunch and then took a shower. Then I was wondering what to do and I finally watched a movie, called Third Eye... it was alright, not big deal I think.
I am going to practice yoga tomorrow and meet with a friend to hang out.
Now I am writting this and listening raining sounds with piano on youtube. I took my medicine. Oh! And maybe I will be translating a book, we'll see.
=)
@Totheskyandbeyond Hi Marie! I'm glad that you are keeping yourself busy. It helps in so many ways, and I hope you and your friend had/have a good time together. I'm so proud that you are reaching out for support! Have a lovely weekend, and best wishes. :)
@lovelyWhisper66 and how are you? I am waiting for him.
@Totheskyandbeyond Hope you have fun hanging out! I am well thanks. Busy here and with getting my place ready for the holidays.
12-21-18:
I just remember that I had a great time with my friend at the mall, having dinner and then going to the movies. I didn't practice yoga. Great day!
12-22-18:
Today I woke up late, already midday. So I didn't eat breakfast just lunch and dinner. I slept most of the day. I took a shower when it was already dark.
I was contacted again by someone to translate a book from spanish to english!
12-25-18:
Merry Christmas to all! Or Happy Holidays. It was a good day yesterday I spent it with my family, my nieces mostly and with good food. I had a good time. I hope it has been a good day for you.
I am translating a book! So that's my new job.
Today well, I am waiting for my food and I already did a bit of translation. I am listening music meanwhile I wait for the meal and afterwards, I want to take a shower and brush my teeth.
12-28-18:
I am feeling very angry lately with my mom, with "friends" the latter whom I have to write if I want to know about them, it is so superficial... How are you? Always good or fine... Not really talk... I don't know if I am not trust worthy or what... I seldom say what I am really going through because I feel like a burden or that someone will say something like cheer up or whatever and that makes it worst... Just SHUT THE HELL UP AND LISTEN! FUCK!!!
Or the people I want to really meet and share with are always busy and I don't feel like they are being reciprocal with me. I feel like they don't care enough or maybe they don't give a fuck.
@Totheskyandbeyond I can relate to your feelings. Its so hard to find friends that really care and really want to listen and that you trust, especially in our 30s. I had a few best friends that sort of helped me through my depression last year, but now they just want everything to be fine and they dont want to talk either about the fallout or reality or whatever. They were helpful for a while, and now theyre back in superficial mode.
I also find that Im hypersensitive and maybe too idealistic or critical. When I find someone that will listen for a short while, the smallest thing looks like theyre pulling away and then I start to annoy myself latching on. I dont know what to do either. It sucks.
@ReadyToTalkAboutLife Thanks! Almost New Year, do you have any plans?
@Totheskyandbeyond happy new year 😅 Yes I was traveling with my brother to Florida for a couple days. Flying back home now. Ironically, same problem with my brother, we never talk about anything serious. How was your New Years?
@ReadyToTalkAboutLife Oh sounds good. We are on the same boat then. It was fine, it was calm, in my apartment watching movies .
@Totheskyandbeyond I just wish that I had someone that I could go to a coffee shop and sit and talk for an hour about real things, ya know? Like world events, or love, or things that are going on in my life, or philosophy or culture. Like a real conversation about real stuff with someone that cares and has a point of view they want to share too. Like no one knows how much I read about Syria, or how much I disagree with Trump and how dysfunctional our government is, or that I'm interested in learning about history and old philosophers.
They say when you travel that it's more fulfilling to travel with other people. I don't necessarily agree, I like to travel by myself because then I can do what I want when I want. But when it comes to ideas and thoughts, it is better to share them with someone. It sucks having no one that cares.
@ReadyToTalkAboutLife Yeah it sucks really bad. I would like too to have someone in here to talk to. =(
12-30-18:
Today I didn't translate anything, it was just sleeping, eating, I took a shower ... The basics. My niece came and we saw a movie or part of a movie. I forgot the pills in the morning, but I remembered and took the pill of the night.