Member chat thread
@justanemptynobody
Well, here's the new thread. Again, thank you for offering to listen to me. 
Well...Let's see, where should I begin...I guess I'll start at the beginning!
I came originally to 7cups after a terrible breakup. I struggle with depression and chronic pain due to my disability, so that's pretty much a daily deal for me. I try to think positively but some days really drag me down. I have to admit, I relate to you in some ways. I really don't like talking about myself. It's difficult to open up, especially when you aren't used to it. I'm sure you know what that's like though. It sounds like you find it difficult to open up, or to find that rare bond in order to be able to. I definitely understand that...
I guess that's why I've been mostly a listener here, although I'm currently on a self care break. I really loved listening but I sadly had to stop several months back, due to a lot of stressful events in my life. I ended up moving to another house but I almost lost my cat during the move. While I was treating her, she threw up on my computer and ruined it (just my luck, aye?). Currently I'm on a tablet, still waiting on a new computer. Also, my dad's health has been going downhill too...I'm afraid of what may happen in the future. It feels like life has been rough on me the past couple of years, but I'm trying to find peace.
Before I left as a listener, I think I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. However, I still struggle with thoughts of leaving particular members behind. It wasn't an easy choice but I know that it was the right one. I know you wrote that you were particularly close with a listener. I was also extremely fond of one particular member that I spoke with. I think out of all the members I spoke with, he was the most unique. Honestly though, I thought of him as more of a friend than a member. I think he kinda preferred it that way too, he hated being called "a member" lol
I was curious, how do you deal with the loss of your listener, if you don't mind me asking?
@TrueArrow
...
I am curious about what you expect from me.
First, allow me to clear up a misconception before going any further. I do not find it difficult to open up due to how I am. I think you should have noticed I am pretty megalomaniac and enjoys very much me-me-me talk. And although I hate enjoying it I enjoy it nonetheless. It's hard to find people who'd vibrate the same way as I do, and I've learnt to expect nothing but the worst from people : I don't open up because of fear and lack of trust. Not because of my self-confidence.
As for break ups, moving, health, I only have one thing to say and you, probably like anyone else, won't like it.
It's life and life is rough.
Life spares no-one. I'm healthy, I haven't lost anything or anyone, and future looks bright for me. My school life is very good, and I am confident in my ability to wriggle my way through problems. And yet, I have my own set of troubles and fears. Are they as strong as pain, disappearance, misery, disabilities ? Probably not. But we all struggle, and there's no magic potion to get better or magical formula to create peace. We just gotta live with it, as hard as it is.
This is how I deal with the loss of a listener : I don't. I'm used to losing people. I'm used to being alone to. Yeah, it's painful. But hey, I've known worse. So I just withstand it.
In any case, I'm still curious what you expect from me. Do you just want to talk or do you want to hear or say something in particular ?
@justanemptynobody
I respect your views on life, I have no dislike towards it. Everybody has their own set of problems, no one is really exempt from them. Although I am glad to hear that your future looks bright. You sound like a very intelligent person! That's part of why I enjoy chatting with you. I think your perspective on life is interesting. Albeit, a bit sober and melancholy but interesting none the less. I think my perspective on life is mixed but I try to see it through the lense of positivity mixed with a bit of realism, even in sad moments. I guess that's part of my emotional defense mechanism. I don't like others to see me in pain, so I hide it. Which is ironic, since we're talking to each other on such a public platform! 
As for your question, I thought conversing with each other would benefit both of us. I honestly have no expectations of you...but I have a feeling that your guard is quite up. You speak about your pain and struggles quite vaguely, even though you claim to enjoy talking about yourself. You also offered to read a stranger's thoughts without asking anything in return, which shows me that you are not as narcissistic as you may feel. It's just an observation though, I don't mean to offend or pry too much. I'd be more than happy to listen, if you would prefer to talk about yourself for awhile.
Anyways, since I answered your question, I'll ask you one. You asked me what I expect from you but what do you expect from yourself? I'd imagine with such a bright future, you must feel obligated to be a certain way, and achieve to the standards that have been set for you. I'm sure that must be awfully stressful.
@TrueArrow
Of course my guard is up, especially because you left yours down from the very beginning. Even though you and I both know why.
I'm like a Fletcher-class destroyer back in the old days. They used to call them tin cans because they had paper-thin armor. But it can prove advantageous : armor-piercing shells would go right through them without detonating. Does that mean they could let there guard down ? Don't think so. Having other means of defense than the ability of blocking head-on is by no means a guaranty of safety. Even the giants end up in flames when they let their guard down.
Didn't I tell you earlier ? Stay wary. Even in friendly environment. Even more when you notice the slightliest suspicious variable.
Also I offered to read a stranger's thoughts because it can hel gathering valuable data and training certain skills. Why else would I have ? I don't have enough kindness for that.
My future isn't stressful. Don't worry about me. I set whatever standards I want for myself and it's my decision to live up to them or not. I do whatever I want. There's no stress in that, because if I fail, it'll be what I wanted.
@justanemptynobody
If you truly know why I have my guard down, you'd remember that my guard doesn't reside where you think it does or should. Not saying it's a good or bad thing (honestly it's probably a bad thing lol), but my guard resides in protecting others, even if they don't realize that. I'm sorry if you think that isn't the case but it is. I know you've been let down by others but as we talked about life, it's not always so simple. Sometimes one has to make tough choices for the good of many, including themselves. Not everybody is wired to always keep their health and sanity top priority. I think if I didn't make that difficult decision last year to focus on myself, I probably wouldn't be here chatting with you. Little did the members knew that spoke with me, that I was running on empty for quite awhile. I'm still a work in progress, I have so much to work on. That's part of why I haven't been back to listening, the other half is I have no computer. Just a note, don't ever think about typing on these blasted tablets. I think I'm going to develop early arthritis from having to hold this thing up! lol
Your analogy is absolutely beautifully written, I missed talking about warships. Probably only second to that would be Undertale.
@TrueArrow
Of course I can't know where your guard resides. Don't you remember ? I can't help seeing right through it. You told me as much.
Stop being sorry that I've been let down by whoever others are. As I already told earlier I'm used to this so it doesn't affect me much anymore. I kinda expect that all the time.
I'l let you have the next move. I don't really have anything else to add right now.
@justanemptynobody
I'm glad you were able to get my hidden messages in my post, I wanted to make sure you know who I am. To be honest, I was wishing you'd enjoy chatting again and I really hope that's true. I was deciding if whether it would be a good thing for you or not, to return. I just feel like I'm in a better place now emotionally to be able to. I hope that's alright with you.
Anyways, I hope everything is well.
Btw, I thought this was a super good gif, so I decided to share it.
@TrueArrow good gif? I meant cool gif...I really dislike this tablet lol
