Me, under construction
I guess this is the best thread to do what I need to do. Anyone can comment, if they want.
A little background:
I am very unhappy with my life. I'm 36, not married, have no children, and my career isn't even very successful. I'm desperately trying to fix it, but I can't magically make myself a healthier person overnight.
I am trying to be more social to improve things. Before the pandemic, I was going to go out more to try to meet people. That has been ruled out for me. I have also been engaging with communities online.
But I'm afraid I'm either not likeable or bully bait. At my age! Instead of getting less attractive to bullies as I get older, I seem to be getting more so, no matter how much I try to improve my mental health. Believe it or not, I have been trying and had thought I had accomplished some things.
I can't trust anyone. A single message or comment from someone can become several things to me, kind, predatory, or pitying, like doing "kindness" to a pathetic thing. This means I can be off-putting to well-meaning people and let others get away with things for too long.
During the time it took me to read other people's posts and try to figure out what to say myself, I realized I think I'm trying too hard to make things happen, I'm panicky about it, every little thing is a make or break moment for me. That isn't so much the trust issue, except for how important what people are doing seems to be, as much as a major problem with my mental health and maybe a reason I'm attracting more bullies than friends or anything else.
So I thought I'd focus more on "planting seeds", putting good energy into my life, but I was trying to do that before..
@YellowComfort
Please try to focus on "yourself" by increasing self love & self confidence. A self confident & self assured person is attractive to most people. All the best!
@Human4Human I have been trying. Guess I have to keep trying.
@Human4Human It's good to hear that it is the right path. Sometimes I felt people hated me so badly or I already came off as too full of myself that maybe that wasn't right either.
@YellowComfort And I let my vulnerable side show a lot because other people did it and they seemed to get liked for it. Very crazy making.
So, I'm probably coming off as a confusing mix.Maybe always have, and it just gets worse. Going to try to just be me, for me, let that be my guide.
@YellowComfortI shall now elaborate on what i wrote earlier. I did not want to sound like discouraging. Well it is likely that people who are unsure and confused will be taken advantage of by the bullies. In your orginal message you sound confusing and wrote two entirely opposite things in two different paragraphs. First you write you can't trust and in other paragaraph you say it is not about trust. And most the message give the impression that you are unsure about few things. In my humble opinion you need to try to win your self confidence & self assurance back without bothering about anyone. And yeah do not trust people too soon by getting emotional until you have really sensed that they are real & genuine and your well wisher. Take your time. And above all "love yourself as you are. Accept yourself as you are. You are unique and beautiful. Yeah we all have some weaknesses and flaws as we are humans. Identify those and work on those but that should not hinder you from "loving yourself. You are beautiful with all of your flaws and mistakes. You are beautiful because of everything good you have. You are beautiful because you are YOU. And try not to compare and compete with others at their level. Everyone is unique with unique personality and and unique circumstances and unique capabilities. You are UNIQUE & SPECIAL in your own way. So love that "unique & special you" without bothering about the opinions & situation of others. They all are unique.
It is easier said than done, you shall have to keep on making continuous efforts with all sincerity and commitement. All the best!
@Human4Human That's lovely. Thank you so much. You weren't discouraging. I guess that's just something that happens when there's so much to say?
@YellowComfort Construct happiness and strength in your heart.
@YellowComfort and follow your wishes.
I've been trying to not just be nice to myself, but to enjoy myself. I guess that's the best way to put it. Like if I'm going to talk, to not be shy or hold back, and with others and by myself, to celebrate me more and have fun.
I'm still struggling, wrestling with demons and afraid multiple people are trying to keep me down, but I'm also hoping that I can make this better with the self love.
I often feel I have to diminish my feelings and needs, that for countless reasons my being is offensive or bothersome to others. Now, I know that is wrong and I should fight giving in, but I also don't want to bulldoze through life doing things that are harmful to people and I'm afraid if I let myself not be constantly vigilant, I will. I've always had this feeling that me being comfortable made me obnoxious or bad. And I am odd, maybe I am doing things wrong. Maybe I'm being insensitive. Having always been an outcast, I want to be kind and understanding, but I'm not always the best at it.
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Hi @YellowComfort. I was you once. In ways, I still am.
Here's some of the best pieces of knowledge I've ever gleaned for myself.
You can choose to be happy right now. This very moment. Right now. Because let's say you get the partner. You have the children. You get the successful job. Then what?
There isn't a road to happiness. You're already on the road. There is no destination because the journey is the destination. After you scale a mountain and get to the top, then what's next? Another mountain. Then another mountain. And another...
Sure, it's easy for me to say this. I know more than anyone that no, it's not that easy. Of course not. I'm still discovering myself and learning every day. But this road, this life, is the destination. People spend so long chasing the 'if I get X I'll be happy'. They don't realise that this way of thinking is just a perpetual carousel. The ride is the joy. Not when you get on and not when it stops.
No amounts of postering online is going to change your own life or theirs. Half the people that post this positive stuff 24/7 are playing Wizard of Oz: they don't want you to pull back the curtain on what they lack in their life. Focus on yours. Focus on you.
Feel free to ignore this. I'm just another drop in the ocean that is the internet. But ultimately, the freedom you feel for being free from the things you once feared is the best freedom you can ever ask for. Good luck.
@YellowComfort Keep trying
