Modal0154 journal: vol.IV
Speaking as someone who..lacks autonomy, speaking as someone who is autistic, speaking as someone 'fundamentally' friendless, speaking as someone who communicates, speaking as someone who struggles not to regret, speaking as someone unsure of resuming to read through what he wrote, speaking as someone bilingual, speaking as someone who has *a lot of issues* 'following his own voice', speaking as someone who 'doesn't do self-confidence', speaking as someone who 'doesn't do trust' neither intrapersonal or interpersonally w/uncompromising authenticity..
John Cage's idea of how silence is only an idea, intrigues/fascinated me..
how I wish to gush about it
Habra otra opportunidades para hacer ejercicio con tu primo y hermano.
P.o'd and on device--expect a description of my experience w/'Bumble'.
..chronological order
maybe ~2 weeks ago now after the struggle which was sinking to a new low in watching pornography at my aunt's after she invited me for a sleepover, I decided as unhealthy a state as I wish I weren't in to try dating (websites/apps) b/c (i) 'a little birdie' of encouragement in the form of a *Cracked artcle and (ii) the state of world validly meaning all the more to so many that social activity is restricted and whensoever the embrace internet activity or social media it better be all that more meaningful
*linked in an earlier entry weeks ago now
tried..'plenty of fish' before my sister suggested 'Bumble' bring up it's friend finder modes. I tried that..
before going on let me say =_= I really am not a fan of the 'swiping mechanic' ^1
....^1 present an explanation which can lend to criticism from a web design or interface/ technologist perspective on another hand, I find it stupidely judgemental in perpetually from really filmsy basis's and bias of projecting speculative, subjective estimates onto another person w/whom you can form a meaningful connection..
..f--k is the morose toddler inside of me 'still right' ? , in that humanity s--ks and the miserable counterproductive apathy of the b--ds *and the deterioration* is deserved..that only difference, the only f--g dissimilarity btw here and ~1996 is that I accumulated far more nuanced understandings, explanations which would leave a fair amount of those nitwits 'the the dust' of a cognitive gap?, and have lived to be able to explain when my intergrity 'took dents' ?, which 'in the grand scheme of things' hasn't quite been too much so far, f--k y'all who say it's mainly or only b/c I don't take risk..=_= .. and I got ridiculed 'for not being normal' and I would still expect ridicule 'for not being normal', the self-deceptive lie and disgrace in all this being no one cares enough to think it's important enough to explain and actively emerge with patience for others..
^1 this classic video essay (channel now defunct) nicely brings it up as applying to Tinder-- https://youtu.be/Shpx1O88f04
;next time if I mean to 'experiment' w/site mechanics first I can try 'bumble biz' for work networking and experiment from there
too angry to take time to underline, italicize or embolden select words..
Judgemental is the memory of doing co-op at a store and '_' >:I I swear a certain 'genderized b word'* being used in reference to the partner of a certain coworker who was the mother of their child.
* and other phrases reflecting skepticism on commitment
Instead of a swiping mechanic I'd personally love it so much more if the design was like when listeners are sought out on this site-- you see various profile pictures horizontally and vertically and maybe a lil'bit of a blurb beginning under an avatar
a design ft. which can lead some mind to abuse/abusing it beyond the o.g. intentions of this place, I know
b/c I mean the whole 'one profile at a time' presentation at least on apps..>~< d--n it =_= !..my contempt for how bloody arbitrary and seemingly nonreversible an affirmation or negation mechanic like 'hot or not' is !.
___
When I set up my profile, filling some info which I found important and selecting photos, I did it in a 'half baked' way b/c I didn't want to get my hopes up w/out understanding the site mechanics yet.
"Instead of a swiping mechanic I'd personally love it so much more if the design was like when listeners are sought out on this site-- you see various profile pictures horizontally and vertically and maybe a lil'bit of a blurb beginning under an avatar"
that the style of this site could be a template for dating websites just like how wikipedia's template is used by more specific Wiki's (one for the MCU, another for Pokemon (bulbapedia), another for YouTube celebs).
I'm going to say while my marbles are not loose b/c of anger but gathered in one place how semi-conflicted and cringey I feel about typical terms of affection btw couples whether in Spanish or English..
'Bumble friend' and 'Bumble dating' ^1
^1 it's annoying how looking it up there is apparently a way use one account to switch to any of the three modes and you can't see how =_=..
Baby steps so I tried Bumblr friends website version..
operating/navigating the site mechanics then and there wasn't too bad but my detesting of the 'swipe element' still applies..
..I noticed how many guys were there which didn't really interest me..I noticed how many guys were there which didn't really interest me..males..*sigh* annoyingly =_= , I would think there would enough an implicative understanding to let 'both of the waned binary model' of sexes present..but given the dangers of online interaction I think I can understand a/o sympathize if women would rather gather on a platform where expectations set down are 'loftier' like w/a conspicous understanding of/ intentionality for dating before deciding on mere socializing/friendship..
I set up a dating version account..I regret to say how I forget if I did it on the app or website version first..from what I remember a dating version is the only version of the app available..
On both the app and website version, I reluctantly yielded to using a phone and fb based login method*
*right there, two accounts were unwittingly formed(?)
I reluctantly yielded to the discouraging swipe mechanic on both forms of hardware..; =_= violence as choicelessness, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DyitF-6tBu4
I was surprised in that innocously pleasant instead of derailing, defiance of expectations by the presence once on their, the demographics each individual person could be said to contribute once on there.
Myself included.
I add and modified my profile bit by bit. Enter late night conversations w/my brother. I mainly bring up my issues with the mechanics, navigation and if he's more experienced w/app or website versions. Then comes the opinionated observations * on presences and demographics, the overall nature of it.
* At one pt: he say's ~'your trying to market yourself', I chuckle saying 'your going to an audition'. De Botton on my mind and the blind date episodes on 'Jubilee' to back it up.
I was struck while modifying a profile and more so after conversation w/my brother by how when writing a profile for something so 'high stakes and (inter)personal', (intra)personal self-enjoyment via the banter of answering frill questions for others to see* isn't a good way to direct so much energy..
..I can't say I'm certain for now as to how to 'achieve the balance' of attention stoking with what replies are given to self-chosen questions.
* .. ;I ..4f736361722057696c646520696d616765
https://reboot.fandom.com/wiki/Hexadecimal?file=Hex.jpg
Dang `_` 'Reboot' was such a cool concept to embrace CGI w/ . I'm not sure if the ~'My two Bob's' story ever really resolved..I remember hearing about and maybe seeing bits of that wonky live-action successor..
sssooo in need of 'revitalizing' if it might go as 'under the radar' as 'Tron' stuff..it just seems that in an age of apps, social media, VR and 'an internet of things' like apps controlling house temperature, esp. the show wouldn't wind up being something of a mass coporate tie-in it'd be pretty cool; 'the Matrix' and 'Digimon tamers' did good decades ago.
At least one person swiped at me early on and before my final deactivation around midnight to sunrise it had been three.
[*sigh* Please don't make this 'more transactional' than it already has to be (by '(web) design') , please don't make this transactional *sigh* ]
._. *Sigh* >_< here is where it got upsetting..
It's at odds w/what my brother told me overnight..~'Bumble's been like that since ever'..
he tell's me how *only for Tinder* , how only on Tinder has he ever paid for 'added fts' and that on other apps he has had free conversation. Pause and precaution for someone who hasn't ever used website versions..no reply when I try making hints at which apps he's used and if I want to know.
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To be able to 'connect/reply back' you need to upgrade to 'Bumble boost'
It's ~$3.99 for a day and ~+$16.00 for a week..
..the option for a day isn't on the app version for some reason =___= ..I am tempted to pinpoint some account incompatability right about there..
I think while on the website version, I try to sign up for a day of added features ('Boost') but my financial info is not being received. I try going for a week long subscription on the app and the same outcome.
..=_= was this during the days when I was having trouble w/bank ATM's ? ..
Contacting (bank) customer support and risking it on lengthy waits isn't too bad if you already are doing something on a computer
Instead of typical CS the person who picks up explains how their speciality is compromised accounts and I explain my situation thinking it could be relevant. Indeed =_=..
..a +$90 hidden charge while going for ~$4 option -- the bank sent texts about not letting info or money go through made sense...
Entailed card replacement hassle earlier this week
=_= F-----------------------K!!! D:<
>:I REALLY !?. First earnest attempt, innocous and non-scammy platform design which my siblings have spoken of and this happens?
.. >~< ..
little secret is stockpile/playlist of encouraging videos if things ever go south while dating.
This isn't one of them: encouraging or heartening short film (8:43+/13:04) https://youtu.be/2m_VTZR5MU0?t=523
