Modal0154 journal: vol.IV

What's stupider is how a part of me feels like 'trying again' b/c I got comfortable w/Bumble . It might help to plainly place one of my 'regular' email accounts in a profile description, next time. Simple solution ?.

..'too good for it'..

"Getting off:pornography and the end of masculinity" by Robert Jensen, 2007

pg.157-159 [note I modified text for emphasize, as it meant individually for me]

"SOME THOUGHTS ON WHAT SEX IS NOT FOR

[note: above is an emboldened, heading as in the book. For the rest, I modified text for emphasize, as it meant individually for me]

Any attempt to start a conversation on the meaning on the meaning of sex often prompts a reflexive rejection of the possibility of such a conversation,as if it can only result in the arbitrary imposition of sexual rules. As one prominent pro-pornography feminist scholar put it in an interview,"Really who are [anti-pornography activists] to tel us where our sexual imaginations should go.

I agree. No one can really tell anyone else where their sexual imaginations should go. Imaginations are unruly and notoriously resistant to attempts at control. But our imaginations come from somewhere. Our imaginations may be internal in some ways,by they are influenced by external forces. Can we not have a conversation about those influences? Are we so fragile that our sexual imaginations can't stand up to honest human conversation?.

I have no interest in telling people where their sexual imaginations end up. But I would like to be part of a conversation about the direction in which we think our sexual imaginations can move. My interest isn't motivated by a desire to impose myself on others but to learn from others. Rather than wall myself off from such a conversation, I wish it were more common. I think that conversation has to start with the sexual troubles we find ourselves in,which for me means starting with men and their desires.

One of the common discussions men have---and one that perplexed me even before I had any critical consciousness around these issues—is about what kind of bodies and body parts they like and what specific sex acts they enjoy.Men frequently say things such as I like woman with big breasts..The point is not the particular size preferred,but the fact that men will state a preference independent of any particular woman.They are not talking about the experience of meeting a specific woman and finding some aspect of her physical appearance attractive,but instead about a generic preference.The physical feature can be....virtually anything,sometimes down to minute details...

But how can I know what I will find attractive in the abstract?.To talk about what I like sexually,detached from a real person. It's a way men acknowledge that they can function sexually outside of a relationship,isolated,alone in their fantasies. Again,there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that we are complex animals,that we fantasize,that our sexuality is mysterious in ways that we can't fully understand. But that's not the same as collapsing into an isolated world in which we begin the process of engaging sexually by reducing a potential partner to body parts.This goes beyond objectifying a person; it's the process by which men turn women into their body parts.

I know there are psychoanalytic theories about fetishes that will explain the objectification,if only I would take more time to understand them,or perhaps if only I were sophisticated enough to understand them.I've tried,but in the end I still come back to a sense that there is something dangerous about the process.As a person,I find something sad about it.Whatever the complicated psychological explanations various people and schools of thought may have to offer is,we can't avoid what these things say about us as a people.

Again,to be clear: Certainly different people will find different things attractive;we are not robots,after all.There do emerge in cultures some standards of beauty that are common,but there also is considerable individual variation.My interest is not in imposing a conception of what is beautiful or sexually alluring on anyone.My point is that men (and women,too,but my experience is that this much more common among men in contemporary society) will make such declarations in the abstract,about women's bodies in general.

I think this point also can be summarized in one comment I once heard a man make.During a discussion of sexual experiences that included reflections on negative experiences people had had,he said, There's no such thing as a bad orgasm.I assume that he meant that getting off was getting off—no matter what the circumstances or methods,it was always good.But there are,of course,bad orgasms.There are orgasms that hurt people,mostly women and children.There are orgasms that keep men cut off from themselves.

The man's comment,while hyperbolic,reflected a common view of sexuality in men I have known:That while sex has an emotional component,in the end getting off is always a good thing.The assumption behind such a view is that whatever else we may layer on top of sex,the core reality of sex—what really matters---is that it's about physical pleasure.For those with such a view of sex,it's not surprising that pornography is popular.It works.It delivers that orgasm.Once one has accepted that understanding of sex,the quest for the best pornography to deliver that orgasm with the most intensity takes precedeence,and other considerations---about the costs to the people who make pornography,the politics of the images, or the harms that may result from the industry—drop out of sight. "

___

"A fetish is a story masquerading as an object"- Robert Stoller

Jazz ayuda

as far as being distracted at (online) work goes having 'side music' playing elsewhere is better than being active on other tabs..

"If you think back to the days of cavemen, humans had to be on high alert for danger. Predators, rivals, and extreme weather. When this process isn't so useful is when you're looking to improve your performance. You're not in survival mode. You're in development mode."-- Giving and Receiving Feedback with Gemma Leigh Roberts , Break the bias when providing feedback (1:00-1:35)

--" =_= like h--l we're not ! "says my inner skeptic/cynic

Green chutney sauce (?) is awesome.

i) look up avoiding places which still have lead water pipes. Discontinued btw '75-76 in Canada ?.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8e9FGNfVBwo

ii) Once the bridge is crossed, call the social housing agencies about changed locations

'the possibly deleted' folder is where so much space on one Onedrive seems to be concentrated up in.