Modal0154 journal: vol.IV
Speaking as someone who..lacks autonomy, speaking as someone who is autistic, speaking as someone 'fundamentally' friendless, speaking as someone who communicates, speaking as someone who struggles not to regret, speaking as someone unsure of resuming to read through what he wrote, speaking as someone bilingual, speaking as someone who has *a lot of issues* 'following his own voice', speaking as someone who 'doesn't do self-confidence', speaking as someone who 'doesn't do trust' neither intrapersonal or interpersonally w/uncompromising authenticity..
John Cage's idea of how silence is only an idea, intrigues/fascinated me..
how I wish to gush about it
I remind myself how 'words can kill', 'word can hurt'..the implicature of saying 'I do' at a wedding, flip turned upside down
This sure as f--k isn't me launching magic spells or curses, guys^w. Only the 'mind generations' of one ugly, flaky, boring/banal, nebbish namby-pamby..
^w the lack of guarantee of that not happening is the reason for my misotheism or antitheistic sentiments w/in my agnosticism..preference for theory of pain, opting for
..b/c the 'mind generations' of one ugly, flaky, boring/banal, nebbish namby-pamby by sends shock to the hundreds of 'rookies at introspection' b/c the 'mind generations' of one ugly, flaky, boring/banal, nebbish namby-pamby byhuddled under this site,". No one cares how old those rookies at introspection are ..my attitude of 'being to old to make mistakes' b/c it s--ks to undergo them when fragility and deterioration increase^x.
No wonder I feel lonely. Now it makes sense how I end up lonely
You don't seek the evolutionary psychology of competition. The evolutionary psychology of competition will find you.
..the impulse to not mull over nearly unanswerable questions* b/c ^x of how you need to flow w/conformity to remain feasibly/acceptable 'alive' as I defined in that 'sanctity and quality of life' entry
when you feel peerless and without equal but are still left craving
*Mumblecore*
something, something..the tendency for ppl to consider it rude to speak in a language not being used b/c of the possibility of it being about them.
The impulse in mind to whisper something in Spanish in case of leaving something uncomfortable. Cuantas veces a realmente occurido?.
Idea: tommorrow morning, w/out factoring in exercise and meditation spending I'm going to try to look forward to us my '2DS' for a change in habit.
Due to how some see merely being asocial as too banal they posture themselves as rough and invulnerable to come off 'antisocial'.
Gj:
'Vox' on video on jazz album covers.
Sleeping over at my aunt's.
Channel networks 'Watchcut' and 'HiHo'..
the 'hiho kids' ones specifically makes me feel good about understanding contemporary kids even if I severely doubt relationship possibilities..
some of the 'prompts' at the bottom of this one were way despairing though..
Forgotten link: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DPJM_5c4J_g