Modal0154 journal: vol.IV
Speaking as someone who..lacks autonomy, speaking as someone who is autistic, speaking as someone 'fundamentally' friendless, speaking as someone who communicates, speaking as someone who struggles not to regret, speaking as someone unsure of resuming to read through what he wrote, speaking as someone bilingual, speaking as someone who has *a lot of issues* 'following his own voice', speaking as someone who 'doesn't do self-confidence', speaking as someone who 'doesn't do trust' neither intrapersonal or interpersonally w/uncompromising authenticity..
John Cage's idea of how silence is only an idea, intrigues/fascinated me..
how I wish to gush about it
=_= >: I
Fiat cash is barely being accepted anymore and I can't find the ~dozen remaining $5 bills I w/drew around the end of March.
Thankfully found it and let it remain in the same spot.
I can now understand bank ATM use discouragement as a public health measure.
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I've been maladapted day to overexertion.
Nature documentaries about urban wildlife are still interesting.
Yay !, to my sleep pattern being seemingly restored.
Practising 'radical honesty' more often would mean that while out in public expect a more antsy, openly hostile and aggresive me.
~Me under radical honesty~
https://comicvine1.cbsistatic.com/uploads/original/11124/111246824/4880005-1582676-wolf15.jpg
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https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Characters/FablesTheWolfClan
Author Avatar: [Bill] Willingham has a tendency to let Bigby expound on his own personal views, whether they are about the awfulness of France or otherwise, and has stated in an interview that as a Republican, he identifies with Snow and Bigby.
Thankfully no long line-up outside of the pharmacy less than ~3 blocks away on my way to purchasing toothbrushes.
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Recently got off the phone w/the librarian higher-up
--more on this well be incoming on a work network email:
Starting ~May 3rd I won't be doing online work any longer
--my 'record of employment' will be sent to the government
~my status will be under a 'declared emergency leave' , a form of protected leave as per 'provincial standards' legalese ..
.. when things start gearing up to become more operational again it will become a 'temporary lay off'~
I can look up CRB related stuff on the 'federal financial services'
~ 'my usual social assistance case manager' returns on the 21st ~
Todovia podria contactar mi bibliotecaria con ayuda acerca de eso.
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*Expectation: social distancing will still be practised once things resumed*
Adjustments to some procedures like cleaning etc as well.
Thankful for taking the risk and calling that unidentified number back (my librarian).
Research into CRB again.
I secretly recorded ~1/3 of the chat I was having w/a case manager on speaker b/c my memory and understanding for this sort of thing is c--p
I am allowed both access to my current form of social assistance and CERB
'~' Makes sense. The possibility makes sense. When I think about it.
It's possible to be on [current social assistance] b/c of a life-long disability and when you retire you start recieving from the national pension plan, right?.
Virtual meeting at 3 .p.m. on the 20th
--going to ask what the difference btw a lay-off and termination is
+ what I emailed and didn't receive an email for
'Tomorrow' -- Salif Keita
Wes Montgomery and Vince Gauraldi both have music which can pass for 'Peanuts soundtracks' but Wes plays the guitar while Vince actually did that via piano.
Inebriated dad arrival and barely snowing outside.
Reganos vendran "=_=
Tratare: buenas noche.
'Mighty Joe Young' was definitely one of the better pre-'Pirates of the Carribean 1' live action Disney movie and a worthy 'anti-King Kong' story
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mUwn-bU8Wsc
All those closet years of not having told my aunt how I didn't like 'the Lion king II' VHS given for a birthday to me -- that whole taste of contrived, semi-jarring revenge story a la nominal 'Romeo and Juliet'.
Something simple I'd like to say:
whenever I do get to connecting w/someone on an online dating platform there is a fear of how even while delightfully communicating w/someone online or else, I'd still be fixated on pornography and it's where that apparent indifference I have heard of how some can bare w/their partner's pornography use not only becomes puzzling but an active source/angle to my self-hatred.
Another thing I can say for now w/out being too long-winded:
that whole centre of the city/ downtown mall area I have reservations being around ?..a part of me wishes that after this there will be less reason to venture around there.
It's occured to me that what qualities make for a good student (NOT >:I including drastic age dissimilarity) are what makes for an appealing partner for me. I think.
I'm *still a student at heart* in spite of a mainly c--y formal schooling experience
* sigh ~ ahh* =_= the successful ones 'grew wings' and flew off to high-tier jobs in Toronto, didn't they ?.
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I could stand to listen to those Ray Charles covers of country songs. That was fun.
So far...better the fun of music related videos than pornography taking me 'into the wee hours of the morning'.
D--n >_< me forgetting to prep peppermint tea.
Los quienes no tienen inseguridades son los que tienes que temer. Podria applicar a haciendo arte tambien ?.
Eating cereal and lentil soup was done, b/c the intention is when I wake up I will spend less time eating and get to exercising and online work sooner.
=_= Inputting the effort to under social assistance redtape s--ks.