Modal0154 journal: vol.IV
Speaking as someone who..lacks autonomy, speaking as someone who is autistic, speaking as someone 'fundamentally' friendless, speaking as someone who communicates, speaking as someone who struggles not to regret, speaking as someone unsure of resuming to read through what he wrote, speaking as someone bilingual, speaking as someone who has *a lot of issues* 'following his own voice', speaking as someone who 'doesn't do self-confidence', speaking as someone who 'doesn't do trust' neither intrapersonal or interpersonally w/uncompromising authenticity..
John Cage's idea of how silence is only an idea, intrigues/fascinated me..
how I wish to gush about it
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Cauliflower pizza attempt leftovers
Pineapple slices
Exercising w/my brother and cousin
Second matress
Videos last seen downstairs
Masaman
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My sister telling me she will assist in helping w/understand social assistance sources etc when the time comes
Her contribution to what (brunch(?)) was made
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Dating /sex talk w/ aunt
'_' What's gross in hindsight is a memory of a g.10 substitute teacher who travelled telling a student how Japanese men would give attention to a light hair colored Caucasian females and you wondering to yourself if the undertone there was one of 'hostess clubs'*.
* But if you combine this visually sfw video essay on sex work by Oliver Thorn https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1DZfUzxZ2VU + this sfw tvtropes pages https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/PlatonicProstitution
'-' I can see how the concept can emerge
The historical role of geishas..a 'host club' is a male staffed equivalent..~'Ouran high school host club' was a PG-ish take on the idea in a high school shenanigans anime..
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Still find it's undertoned mention to a high school girl who I was aware of the concept semi-skeevy at the least.
@Modal0154
..who *was not* aware..
Online work cycle begins.
~+ 1/4 hecho
If hamartiology, if a belief in the violation of underlying 'life patterns' resulting in 'moral inconsistencies' (i.e. sins) is diminishing can't that commitment of conviction be retained or transferred onto a conviction (existing b/c of an awareness for class consciousness) for not doings things which result in prejudices or other inequalities from thriving?.
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If ppl who became multimillionaires disengaged from their usual profit making practices altogether and became artists* would they be better off ?, would they be less d--kish ?..the world?..
* think Bush 43's post-presidency painting habit
12-15-- >20 parts of meetings missed../~24 minutes.
Hearing/seeing a Microsoft Teams boradcast meeting isn't like a YouTube livestream to my chagrin w/being able to type comments live and have it seen and responded to by others including the hosts..
Online work done. Log notes need polishing.
Work logs sent.
Consider making 'take away' notes for two courses which you will decide to do next week. Consider making 'take away' notes for two courses which you will plan to do next week.
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Celebrating a cousin's birthday
New info about 'declared emergency leave'
"As of Wednesday [22nd or 15th] Hamilton had 348 confirmed and seven probable cases of COVID-19. The virus has hospitalized 43 people and killed 16 in Hamilton."
Breathing helium from birthday balloons to sing..=_= I messed that up.
Those 1:39-1:47 and 2:49-3:12 parts in that Sam Smith song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PmYypVozQb4 are only achievable when you use helium xD
My interest in Joanna Hausmann is rekindled.
-- look at CERB application process, call case manager expressing lack of interest and hope for warm reception, verify if medical related documents reached them
When both are muted..
this one https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VW-F1H-Nonk&feature=youtu.be&t=0m15s plus the part from this trailer onwards https://youtu.be/vTfJp2Ts9X8?t=83
..kind of embody that feeling at times of the furitiveness of being on a/o applying through the process of social assistance. The tenseness of the validty of your reasons, weighed against untiring criticism societal or otherwise of you not being a parasite and not losing being on good terms with the ppl you need to meet with to go through the process.
=_= ... not too mention the anxiety of friggin 'imposter syndrome' etc
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>: I Sometimes I really hate the group chats b/c when I explain things the confusion seems to come from how uncommon it is to actually bring up complicated stuff in there.
Left a message for my case manager still no reply back--'take your time', I'd fine if no response until Monday.
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On the 21st the medical related documents were faxed.
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The memory during mid-'09 of my mom making a hard compromise to rearrange a very important dental appointment for early August when I needed to begrudignly and after different attempts w/ different course levels went to a summer school course to attain the third and final mandatory high school math course needed to graduate.
No me molestaria un opinion acerca de esto..why I feel conflicted about liking
There are certain fonts which have prejudicial a/o triggering 'undertones' for lack of typological knowledge. 'Blackletter' font might make you think of Nazi Germany or at least how the Third Reich 'put the nail in the coffin' of that font ever being used ordinarily..what I'm getting at is in #5 here https://www.cracked.com/blog/5-genuinely-offensive-font-choices-that-must-be-stopped/
but I also think it can apply to sound as well..
does ~1:19-1:36 in this old 60's Mexican song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttWtAnCcRYY about asking someone* to give them a sign if they love them** sound like an dated racist undertoned sound that would play when anything East Asian is brought up (older example: the original Disney Snow White part where during a song, I think something falls on Dopey's head which winds up looking vaguely like an East Asian (conical) farming hat ) or is it my lack of familiarity w/instrumentals during those decades that makes me unaware of how that might have been a typical sound feasible and common w/a guitar, piano or other musical instrument combination?
I mean I realize there how it could have worse and I doubt that 60's music producers Mexican or not would have put in as much effort to prevent a 'racist sound' as say Ludwig Goransson did for the 'Black Panther's' OST. For one thing, most of the intstrumental in that song sounds like typical 60's pop until you get to that part.
'~' but still..moment
*mijita -- my daughter (?) =~= ,right ? . Dang, a part of me hopes so much that it isn't b/c that would make this melodically cool song so much more cringey not that say thinking that you can call a gf mihijita in the same way you might say 'baby' is any better...'chiquita'=~'little one'
** Joanna Hausmann once brought up the difference btw using amar and quierer as words for 'love' and 'desire' and how cringey it is when one word is used by ppl to express how much they love their children.. dang, me not being able to find that video
Would ~1:19-1:36 of this old Roberto Jordan song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttWtAnCcRYY be considered offensive nowadays ?.
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Going to try this new thing, where I 'simmer down' what might've been longwinded before.
'Uncut jewels' had a great instrumental electronica soundtrack even if I didn't like the movie.
D--n do I have a problem with Nelson Muntz and that d--n laugh. I hate the Simpsons.
Espero pintar pronto.
