Entry #1:
2 days ago, I had an unexpected surgery to remove one of my wisdom tooth. It's been causing pain and facial swelling. I've since been in pain and antibiotic medications. They said 10 more days till swelling goes away, so hopefully it's not too bad.
My parents found out I CRed my ECO100 course after dropping CSC148 for the second time over the summer, and they're mad at me. They think I'm a failure. Someone with zero self control and won't last a month in the work force for any position other than cashier.
Tbh. I'm not sure what to say. I'm disappointed in my own results. I know I need to change things to turn this around. I'm this is not usually who I am. My marks are usually so much better. But then again, when has my parents ever thought I am good enough? NEVER. *sigh*
I wish things were different, as I hate tension and drama. But such is my life. For now, my goal is slowly to clean / declutter my room while creating a new sleep schedule that would match my chronotype of dolphin. (At least that's what I think I am at the moment.) Which means waking up at 6:30am and sleeping at 12pm.
Entry 2:
I'm crying as I'm writing this. My parents will never understand or leave me alone. All they do is find ways to fricking crush my soul and make me feel worse about myself. With accusations of I lied to others and myself. Punishments and threats. I'm so done with them. I will never amount to anything in their eyes. I get it. But at least let me have some privacy as to what I do with my life. Let me get things done without you being a fricking helicopter surveillance camera.
Funny how they keep bringing up an ancient saying about how father and daughter should have the closest bond. Cause I'm at a point where I'm deciding if I should give them the silent treatment. Just to see things through. Showing them I can survive without them and their drama and hatred.
Date: September 8, 2021
Entry 3:
I'm surprised I'm saying this, but I actually feel some relief completing all my classes and tasks today. It wasn't too bad and I seem to be able to stay on top of everything for now. Key word being for now. As I know it's a habit of mine to fall behind once things get hectic. And sorting out numerous phone calls and appointments is something I typically dread, so I'm proud of myself for getting that over with. 4 phone call appointments in 1 day to start getting accessibility stuff sorted. Each day is a new day, let's see where tomorrow will lead me. 
Date: September 11, 2021
Entry 4:
I made it through first 3 days of school surprisingly. But now I've got homework from every single course, which means no more chill time. Time to grind. As crazy as this sounds, I've made the decision to do social media black out this weekend. So that I won't be distracted by my own classmates who have nothing better to do than play games, and ask others for notes. I will make my own notes, do my own work, and pave my own path. If others don't have the honor to do that themselves, perhaps they don't belong in the top university in the country.
With that, on a side note, I'm trying to figure out some potential usernames to change my social media to. I've been getting a lot of uncalled for flirting text messages from men whom I don't know. And this is after I've started getting compliments from women about how beautiful I look outta no where. I mean I've always looked the same, just I've recently started caring about hiding identity in a sense? I've been wearing outfits that shows I'm obviously a performer, perhaps they can even tell I'm a dancer as my clothing is loose enough to allow me to move freely but not too lose so that it gets in the way. So what if it shows a little more than other outfits, if you're confident, you won't care what others say. Besides, my sister knows I do dance for fun, and can match intermediate to hard level dances move for move about 85% of the time without prior knowledge with all the training I've had.
My grandma had surgery yesterday and my parents didn't bother telling me. People in group chat won't bother typing my name right. And keep calling me a child. So yeah there's also that adding to the frustration of it all.
Date: September 11, 2021
Entry 5:
I feel as though I'm losing control as I'm writing this. It's fricking 8pm local time. My mom is feeling ill and unable to cook. My dad being the selfish person that he is, is only cooking seafood and stuff I can't eat. While using the pots and pans I typically use to cook what I eat. And complains that I refuse to wait till he done to cook and eat dinner. Like what? You want me to eat dinner at 10pm? Sure. Not like I care. You're the one who always complains that I'm not eating 3 meals a day at meal times. Yet you're making assumptions and yelling at me in the first place. I'm tempted rebel and start cooking and dance training (what they call partying) late at night once they've gone to sleep. Just so they know what they've done to me and give them a taste of their own medicine sort to speak.
Date: September 14, 2021
Entry 6:
Overwhelmed. I'm behind in my courses and work is stacking up. I have to take notes for 2 weeks worth of notes and do respective homework for statistics course. I have to finish education readings and lecture 1 notes, and prepare for week 2. I have 1 lecture note to tutorial note to finish for math. And a 6 page article reading to do by tomorrow for management. I'm going to try not to fall behind too much in any of my courses this semester so I won't end up dropping. But this means I might end up having to pull an all nighter today. Will update in about 6 hours as to my progress if I remember to do so. Ugh. My friends have it so much easier. Alright let's do this. I made it this far. I'm capable to prove that I'm amongst the top students.
Date: September 18, 2021
Entry 7:
Each word carries impact. Thanks for yelling at me and telling me I spend too much time on social media to be able to get into any program and graduate. Thanks for letting me know I'm nothing more than a failure in your eyes mom. I know you'll never agree with how I do things. But I'm not you! I can't focus for long periods of time without break. If that makes me a failure, then so be it. It's crushing to know that you'll kick me outta the house instead of support me through the challenges. But if that's the reality I'll face, then so be it. Some day I'll reach success and you won't be thanked.