My Way as a Wallflower

A little intro about me.

Hi there, my name is Arlo.

I am 14 and I really love Snails and Turtles.

I have some Anger Issues that I am coming to terms with so if you *** me off or if I seem easily triggered just know I will apologize after I realize what I did!

I live to write poems in my free time and my dream school is Harvard Law, though it doesn’t look very bright for me actually getting in. :’]

My favorite color is green and I am a Transgender Male.

I hope that I make a few friends along the way of my journey as a wallflower. 🌸

My school is pretty wack, I’m pretty quiet and I keep to myself most of the times. I have a Leadership class and if you can guess my grade isn’t very high, I’m just barely passing and I can’t raise my grade up any higher than it is because of my social limits. I’m in a group with a few unhinged people and it’s really draining, by the time 2nd period is over I can barely make it through the rest of the day without wanting to pass out or break down from social anxiety.

I have a really bad opinion on crying that I need to fix, I can’t help but see it as a bad thing and try to avoid it as much as possible. Crying to me in any public or private area to me is just as bad as if you accidentally stepped on your dog’s tail. I can’t handle crying, it just breaks me a but more and I worry about crying in class a lot.

Bathrooms have to be thee worst thing to think about as a *** or an enby. I have barely any gender neutral bathrooms in my school and next Term I’m going to have to pick between the male or female changing rooms. I go to a very transphobic school and there is so much anxiety build up from when I’m just walking to the bathroom, thinking about what one I should you as I’m going there. I’ve never been in the mens bathroom, I can’t donit because of the anxiety. Everyone knows I’m an ftm and most of the men I know would just dis me if I walked in there.

This is my first half of my school day! I will have another thread after my 6th period. Stay safe my wallflowers. 🌸

My end of the day summary is a bit late, but I’m still doing it!

I cleaned my room not that long ago and I’m pretty proud of myself, usually I’m really bad at keeping clean and just let things sit around on my floor forever.

The end of my day was not very eventful, my grades are still low in a lot of my classes and my mom is just getting onto me about it. I’m trying my best to try and get back on track and keep on things, but I know I might drop that soon.

I have a girlfriend of 3 years, going to be 4 in February. She’s one of the 3 reasons that I’m still here today and I’m so grateful for her. Someone can easily win her over and she can take them over me, but she stays with me and I’m happy for that. My other 2 reasons that I’m still here today is because of my Best Friend and my Cousin. They have been with me since I can remember and have always been supportive of me- I will sacrifice anything for them if they needed me to because of how much they helped me and kept me up.

Thank you for listening to the last end of my day, have a nice evening. 🌸

I’m back in my Leadership class, nothing much has happened since then other than me seeing my ex crying. I’m a very sympathetic and forgiving guy, but what they did to me and my current girlfriend is unforgivable. I’ll think about putting details. I’m curious as to what they were sobbing about because it was REALLY loud- I’m not a fan of really loud, or crying. The worst part is that they texted me a few days ago and they’re still into me, which is not very good. I’m having a 3 way personality switch, probably just me wanting to be different people because I don’t not like them, I want to be them but I can’t be them all at once. So a little part of me still hasn’t processed that they are horrible, or they just forgave them a little too fast and are willing to give them a second chance. But I know they’re trying to guilt trip and manipulate me again, they used to do that a lot when they didn’t get their way. It was almost annoying, and they kinda made me do thing that I didn’t feel like doing. They also destroyed me friendship with a few different people that I knew first and loved to hang out with.

I can’t ever forgive them for what they did, we were together for about 8 months. I’m Polyamorous so I was with my current girlfriend of 3-4 years as well. For those last few months of us dating, they kinda dropped talking to me. I was ghosted for a while and they came up with petty excuses to not talk to me even though I knew what they were doing. I loved them so much and they just didn’t care, I had put so much effort into our relationship and got almost nothing back. I think I was just a unit, they saw me as feminine and it took some convincing to tell them they aren’t lesbian when dating me- best I got was “I’m lesbian with an exception of Arlo”. That hurt. They only came over to my house to get away from their family, then they just kinda did their own thing instead of hanging out with me. usually they sat there and watched tik tok or something.

For those last few months while they ghosted me, I found out they were wrecking our relationship boundaries, going out with other people behind me and my current girlfriend’s back. The only thing that hurt about that is they didn’t talk to me at all, just avoiding me. The worst part was that they were going out with my friends, and they all thought that I knew about it.

I’m not sure how to end this, sorry it was really long. Have a nice day/night. 🌸

Im in my Spanish class now, I have a C in this class. I don’t have very good grades in any of my classes, 3 Bs, 1 C, and 2 Ds. This is not looking too good for my gps and my dream job is becoming a Lawyer, dream school is Harvard. I need a minimum gpa of 3.75 to have even a slim chance of getting to my goal, but I feel so lazy and uninspired. My mom has really high standards for me and this job will benefit her outlook on me, not thatI care how she sees me, but it sure helps to know shes proud of me. I know that writing this while in class is not the best option, but I just finished my practice test and I did pretty good, getting a 8/10. That’s like, a B/B-? Not sure. But I think I did good.

I might change my future goals once I become a Junior or Sophomore. I’m still a Freshmen so I guess I still have time to figure things out and get my grades higher than they are. Art is one thing I’m big on, maybe an art school or becoming a cartoonist will be a good road to go down since I’m also taking an animation class. I could spend the whole day in that class, even if I have a D in it… Leadership is probably the worst class, I have a D in that too. I can’t do social situations even though I tried a lot- I just cant connect with anyone in that class so I have people I know but not people I’m willing to keep conversation with.

Hopefully I can become more social and figure out what I’m going to do with my life, I’m in a generally good mood right now. 🌸