No point in this thread. comment dont comment i dont care.

Well, if you are following me, you got some new updates.

I have been on 7cups for a few years now. I dont use the forum as much mainly because when one posts publicly , one is open to everyones opinions. An sometimes im not wanting to hear everyones opinion. An i guess at this moment for this thread I dont mind any comments.

I am seeing a new psychologist and I am hopeful in that she going to engage me in conversation an not just sit there and listen. I am enjoying watching the winter olympics, rather amazing at how kids 18 an up can achieve so much. and atching countries play hockey i find more entertaining than regular NHL Hockey. Mainly because it is country against country and not focused so much on individual players or sports teams .

One thing I have noticed looking back at some of my writings, just briefly, not like re reading everything, cause i hate re reading what i write. but skimming, i noticed im doing better now than i was like 3 years ago. learning that I need personal space from family ,adjusting to becoming a caregiver, and coming to terms with my depression and anxiety being something in my life that I am going to have to always live with. It isn't easy. I do envy those who can roll with depression and anxiety.

I can't. I can't carry the weight of depression and anxiety , and walk into a 9-5 job and deal with irrate customers or poor management. I have had to realize my limits and disability over an over again these past years. An realize that I am not imagining my disability with depression and anxiety, that im not " lazy " or a " bum " , I am a pretty good artist when things start to click. An I have done things most people wouldnt even try. I just need to find more will power and keep fighting the fear back so I can have more adventures one day..

Alaska is my end game, that is where I want my final Adventure to take place. living on disability or not I want to move to Alaska and make my own life there. A fresh start , a better start. An sure someone might come on an reply with Alaska has its' problems too, an sure it might but not all of it does, an im going to find that sweet spot in Alaska and get away from the drama of city life. Drama of living in a neighborhood. The stress of constantly hearing vehicle traffic. An prep for the zombie apocalypse, because we all know zombies are slower in the cold, and cant survive in the cold.

Hang in there people. Survive. It is all i know to do. It is what I excel at. I dont know why.