Pages of a Melancholic Mage
Hello all, I hope you're doing well.
I'm a new Green Card arrival who's finding it hard to navigate new surroundings. There are plenty of barriers (some expected, some not), that have compounded my Mental Health (C-PTSD among other things) and my existing struggles with such.
While trying to establish a new life for myself, I found my way here.
Thank you for reading this, whoever you are. If you ever need a friendly ear, don't hesitate to reach out. 🕊️
In other news, I finished that railway station come converted café in my Sims 2 game. (At least for now.) It's a far cry from the first shots I posted when I started from scratch!
I even added in terrain to look like old railway lines for fun. Hope someone enjoys this. Building is pretty therapeutic in The Sims. Or any game that has it to be honest.
@MelancholicMage Looks amazing!
I quit my new job this morning. It was awful. I lasted until the third day which is more than can be said for some. Apparently some people did one day and never came back.
Feeling dreadful.
@MelancholicMage I'm sorry to hear that the new job was awful. Maybe you can take a little pride in the fact that you did give it a try and lasted three days? Which as you said was longer than most people. We often don't know what we're getting ourselves into until we try it at least once. You tried it three times and found it's not for you. I wouldn't want to spend hours working some place that is horrible. Maybe this explains too why they were so vague with the answers they were giving your questions. I bet the next job will be better!
@mytwistedsoul I just feel stupid more than anything.
You had to walk 13-15 MILES a day on average, carrying stock with one arm through aisles which over 8 hours would feel pretty dead afterwards. Not to mention your feet.
The place was so big that getting to the break areas would take 5 mins travel time and another 5 mins back. So you're basically walking for 8 hours with two 15 minute breaks that realistically turned into 5, and the 30 minute lunch break really being 20 minutes to eat your lunch.
8 hours. 30 mins downtime.
I'm used to physical labor and I'm no stranger to it, but this was to such extent that I would come home in tears.
I had a shift and a half of training, then they threw me out on the floor today on my own. They promised a trainer would be around if needed but I couldn't find them. I struggled through trying to figure out and remember what I was doing, getting in other people's way, then when one of them got snappy with me I went straight to the manager's desk, threw my card down and told them I quit.
I lasted 40 minutes today.
@MelancholicMage Omg 😳 The wear and tear on your body would be immense. Not to name names (but I'm totally going to lol) it sounds like an Amazon warehouse. I've heard they're pretty horrible to work for. I can see going home tired but not in tears. Then to give you a day and a half of training and then they cut you lose to figure it out on your own? I would've been stressed and then to get snapped at.. no thank you. Work isn't fun to begin with, working yourself to exhaustion every day would be h*ll
@mytwistedsoul Can I just say how amazing you are for always checking in with me here? Seriously, you're incredible. Thank you so much. 💗
Well, believe it or not, I actually worked in Amazon before. This is similar borderline worse, as Amazon paid me a lot more for less hours. (I started at 4am but finished around 10 or so because we had to get everyone's parcels out early in time for deliveries.) I was making full-time wage on 5-6 hours work, but it was backbreaking. I would come home 'like a broken wheel' as people would say. I had to put my feet in bowls of water at the end of the day, and I lived off Tiger Balm. (Brand of medicine for muscle pain relief.)
I told myself I'd never do it again. It took such a toll on my body that I still pull the muscles around my lower back with a painful twinge from time to time, and I'm not getting any younger. (It's my birthday today to boot!) This was pretty much borderline that.
They were trying to look on the bright side, telling me they get paid to go to the gym. Sure, I could use more exercise... but there's a difference when you're forced to push yourself to hit rate to make a living, as opposed to being able to take breaks from exhaustion during a workout. They told me you can rest for a few minutes, and you don't need to push yourself so much, but frankly it's not enough. If you don't hit your rate you get pulled in or even fired. No one really stops that long in there.
In two days I did 12 miles (according to Pokémon Go lol), and one of those days was a half shift because of orientation. But that's still crazy considering I was training. 13-15 miles a day is entirely believable, and trust me, my body is still hurting and trying to recover from it since yesterday.
Also, sorry for my long-*** posts. Guess I have a bit to say. ;;;
@MelancholicMage Hey Happy Birthday! 🎂🎈🎉
Had a pretty rough morning facing another round of job searching yet again, only exasperated by 7 Cups.
A particular user attacked me in chat for using the word 'LOL', (aimed at another conversation with another user no less) saying that it wasn't funny and pretty much sneering at my sense of humor. Then I had someone tell me to be mindful in chat when I wasn't even the one instigating disruption and was actually the one being instigated against.
To add to that, a post I made venting about my work ordeal in a separate dedicated thread was responded to by a certain user who had little to no empathy. Quick to consistently imply that my expectations were too high reply after reply, I politely told the user how I found their commentary unhelpful and 'haughty and self-important'.
We're meant to boost people up here, not bring them down. Sometimes you need to be cruel to be kind, but this was under no pretense of kindness. Just miserable people spreading miserable perpetrations.
What a place to be. Feeling even worse being under fire like this. It's very easy for people to backseat drive without a license when we all know if they were in the driver's seat - in the same situation - they wouldn't last a fraction of the time that I did.
I'm going out for a drive. I need to clear my head. 🚗
@MelancholicMage Some times I wonder if people realize the impact their words have on others. Here there should be no room for cruelty. Yes sometimes we might need a shot of reality but I think it can and should be delivered gently. Most of us here are just looking for some compassion because life has already given us that reality check. I'm really sorry these things happened to you here Mage. I hope today is a better day for you
@mytwistedsoul Thanks for always being so kind, Twisted. <3
Had more run-ins this morning with someone in chat. I was trying to help someone who was being excluded in their family, even highlighting that this was difficult to say, and I was in no means saying they were responsible for their family behaviour, but asked if they self-reflected on their own actions. To see if maybe there was a possibility of something they were doing that was making things more difficult.
Apparently though this was me accusing them of being the problem, leading them to blow up on me saying I was 'victim-blaming', and all other sorts of nasty crud. Even though what I actually said was in black and white in the chat if anyone scrolled up, including my empathy towards their situation.
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Suggesting emotional awareness and how your behaviours can make others uncomfortable/lead to a rift among family shouldn't be so hard to bring to attention. I've dealt with it personally with family who thought they were completely untouchable: the flawless, faultless, and undeniable 'victim' in everything. When it was in fact them being the abusive, gas-lighting POS and making everyone run for the hills.
I went no-contact with them after years of enduring their physical and emotional abuse. Even to this day, there is no fixing it. Should they perish I won't shed a single tear for them. Harsh, but true. No amount of 'turn the other cheek' can ever excuse what they did over the years.
Not to say this was the case here, but it's important to evaluate your own actions and not just others. Which this person was quick to turn that advice back on me, but it applied to them ten-fold for their screaming diatribe of accusations. And I made them very much aware of that before muting them.
... Welcome to 7 Cups!
Still struggling to find work this morning. Little rant here but employers clearly don't want or consider anyone who isn't born in the United States. I can't input previous work history because some applications ask for zip code and state, which I can't give since I'm a legal Green Card holder and that information is from a different country. There is no alternative option.
Sometimes I'll be referred to an employer's website only to waste my time filling out 2-3 pages of information then be hit by the 'you must select this' wall.
Part of me knows I did the right thing walking out of the last place, then another part of me thinks I made a mistake. But I can't damage my body like that - especially not if this is going to be for the foreseeable future to get myself stable enough to get my own place.
When it comes to work, I always feel like I'm the odd-one-out.
Oh, and I can't apply nor do I qualify for any kind of welfare or benefit because I'm a Green Card holder. So it's literally find a job or don't survive over here.
Got myself a job interview on Monday!
I got a response and a text from this company's recruitment yesterday asking if I was available for a chat. I said of course, and got a call about 5 minutes later.
The term 'chat' was misleading. It wasn't exactly a chat, like I expected, but more like a 30 minute telephone interview! Take about unprepared!
I was flying by the seat of my pants and pulled a few porkies off the top of my head to get through. They asked some pretty tough questions so I had to embellish my history a little to answer them. But almost all of it was truth – I'm a very honest individual. Caught off-guard however, and in a stress situation no less, means one has to get creative!
Thankfully I passed (somehow) and received a call back telling me so shortly after. But... Now they want another interview in person.
And it's 2 HOURS LONG.
I'm going to spend this weekend preparing and doing everything I can to de-stress. HARD. But I do hope I get the job. I have faith it's going to be a lot better than what I was tricked into before.
Sometimes you just have to trust the process – whatever happens, happens.
@MelancholicMage You're very welcome. The world is harder enough without outside people adding to it by being unkind. It sort of sounds like maybe they were already aware that their behavior might have contributed to things? That can be hard for people to admit. I understand all too well the need to go no contact with family. I went that route with mine a few years ago for similar reasons. I must admit at times that I do feel a little conflicted over it still, probably because I spend most of my time alone. Normally I'm okay with that. Embrace the loneliness they say...but every now and again I long for family connection.
@mytwistedsoul Thanks so much for all your support, Twisted. Thankfully I was only there for an hour. I got the job, though! I'm glad it paid off as going through a telephone interview and an in-person interview, as well as being quizzed on the day, was quite a bit of stress and work. But when I got inside and took a tour within, I could see why. They really do make sure they get the right kind of candidate for the job and appear to look after their own.
A company that actually puts their culture and colleagues first. Who'd have thought it? They don't even have shareholders! - It's 100% owned by its employees. Sounds crazy, doesn't it?
I might not be around 7 Cups anymore to keep you posted on how it goes, but I wish you all the best in whatever adventures that may await you around the corner. Know that your kindness truly has made a difference in someone's life. Thank you. <3
@MelancholicMage Hey that's great! Congratulations! I'm glad it worked out and the interview went so well!
I think it went well. I was very impressed with them. Will be very sad if I don't make the cut, but was a good learning experience.
Decided to treat myself afterwards with a cheeky burger and a shake. Don't tell anyone!
I may leave 7 Cups.
I've had senseless attacks against me for giving thoughtful advice to others, who, desperate to maintain their victim mentality, bash me for asking further questions about their situation rather than blindly agreeing to whatever they say.
Like it or not, the truth is some 'victims' orchestrate their own misery.
It's very easy to play the victim card and blame others for X, Y, and Z, when it's actually them and their lack of emotional intelligence to blame. They immediately attack me because I can see them from miles away. I endured personal abuse under one. They scream and grow violent, then blame other people for their own disgusting, childish behaviour.
If you want to spot these people yourself, just ask rational questions that explore their situation.
This helps you gain better understanding to give more appropriate advice. Rational people and real victims will see that kindness and explain more in-depth, without anger or judgement. They will explain and defend why they don't believe so, highlight how others are doing wrong unto them, and what kind of depraved behaviour or manipulation is being used against them.
If the person suddenly blows up at you? Calls you all names under the sun for 'siding' (as they claim) with the ones they have issues with, just because you asked about or explored other possibilities? Then they're likely a perpetrator. Of course there can be people who have bad days, and just want to be heard rather than explain. But this knee-jerk reaction I've very familiar with from enduring a full-blown narcissist and physical and emotional abusive sociopath over the years.
The example that prompted this post was from a user in chat who served in the military. They said their family did not see them off when deployed, not welcome them home when they returned. I empathised with their pain and asked if they were close to their family when they left. They said not really. So then I asked the possibly that their family thought they didn't want them there, so they gave them space because of the lack of communication, more than out of any kind of uncaring or hatred.
I was hauled abuse for this. Which told me everything I needed to know about this person.
I do not and will not fall for it any longer.
These people are abusive, manipulative, and are NOT. VICTIMS.
