Phantom
hi..... uhm this is probs the first time ever writing a journal kinda thing i guess but yeah imma try this probs wont sound like one one yeah
uhmm this is hard but ok ,today or lemme just say the whole week maybe even my whole life i felt as if evryone around me probable dont want me around today and 2 days ago ive been reminded of it alot like alot which i mean it kinda sucks cause i wanna hangout out with peop;e but do the people even want to be around me am i destroying everyones mood by being around maybe i am man ,, well damn ,,atleast someone today actually told me to leave casue i was disturbing their peace well that gave me a realuty check honestly and as the sensitive *** i am obviously almost yeah almost cried on the way home haa ,cant believe im writing about this im so pathetic honestly couldve have just forgotten it you know its really not a big deal, 😶🌫️
well im already writing this thing so lemme just rant about whats ben going on up there i mean its nithing big just been thinking alot like alot man hate when i think cause when i do i feel like crying u see that thats the reason why i think im pathetic man why do i cry over such stupid things like be frfr last week was rough man i dont even know how but thought just came in dont kmow from where but it mustve been the wind ,okay that made no sense , like serously if u laugh at that ur humor is broken ,were was i mmm yeah , last week i was thinking like maybe lifes not work it man but honestly it might not be idk why but its just nahh not like anyone gon miss me its like if im gone everything woukd probs stay the same ebryone would forget about me and stuff nit like i mattered anyways , haaa...
i really cant write to safe my life cause everything is just evrywhere damn and me typing thoughts its worse be shocked if even one person reads this but whatever man , think im gonna stop now maybe write another time maybe didnt say i would man honestly maybe write when i avtually know whats wrong cause right now idk whats wrong with me why i keep having moodswings like a whole pregnant lady man {no offence to yall just saying|} my apetites a mess havent had a proper mean inlike what 3 months toughh , been having lots of headaches man damn and th weird thing is i never used to have headavhes its the first time now i get them like 3 times a week probs bacause of the thinking stess and the stopping of crying cant believe i never had a good crying session matter of fact whe last did i cry like that damn well old habits die hard
hold up did i tell yall how much of a failure i am broo yall wont believe it bruhh *** actually tuff man coming from a house with smart kids pressure kinda getting to me ,the expecttions , the promises the evrytime i get my results and they ask wht happened all i can say is idk cause i honestly dont man
nah eyes getting blury dont wanna think no more so imma end this and im kinda tired of typing im using a pc like hello
but yeah all i probs wanted to say in this whole weird and not so nice confusing hold up forgot whats it called ,... oh yeah thread is that im honetly TIRED tired of life maybe tired of being a failure maybe tired of seeiming worthless maybe , tired of thinking yeah that one yes defifinetely , tired of nit knowing why im tired yup overall im tired of hold upp damn forgot what i wanted to say got a short memory man my bad
hope yall have a great day man and if anyone read this thanks for just reading if no one did its aight i wouldnot either ,
okay i did say i was gonna end this but hear me out yall i dont get how yall think im kind cause im not im always told im a bad person so tht kinda supprises me alot like thanks uhmm yeah peace
@hardtobeRia
You’re not pathetic for feeling this way, and you’re definitely not alone. sometimes life feels like too much and the thoughts get loud, but you still matter way more than you think. i’m really sorry people made you feel unwanted you don’t deserve that. I think your nice and cool and definitely funny I appreciate all the time we are able to spend talking.
@joyfulRecipe8155 thanks , W for being funny kinda am now that im thinking about it , broken humor core
@hardtobeRia You legitimately are not pathetic or a bad person. It's almost impossible for you to have disturbed that person's peace, they're just a meanie with nothing better to do or say. Yes, I do understand I sound like a 5 year old by saying that. You aren't the other kids in your family, and you aren't going to do so well because you're tired of life, it isn't easy to live everyday. I'm sure it especially isn't for you. It's worth it to try though, because life can in fact change at any moment.
@hardtobeRia Congratulations writing your first journal , a great step into positivity!
@hardtobeRia Always write when no one's here to listen though we are , you are not alone we all are here for you but you became there for yourself when you write that's the most important, hope all complications go away and you find joy again !
@hardtobeRia
I'm so sorry to hear about what's been happening lately, Ria🥺 It must be unimaginably hard to deal with the loneliness, the stress, the messed up sleep and appetite. It's understandable why you would start to cry, mate. Its oki to cry, it doesn't mean you are weak or overly emotionally (of course, I wish you were never hurted so deeply and started crying in the first place. You don't deserve been treated so harshly 😭)
I can only imagine how much it must have hurted when people around you made you feel like you are unwelcomed and not wanted (its perfectly understandable to cried over someone who told you to go away, because they have really touched a tender spot for you☹️ you are not overreacting, man.)
Those expectations from people around you and the constant feedback that you are not good enough to some people must have been a really really heavy burden to carry, like you are already trying so hard to stay on the surface of it all and people didn't see how much it had caused for you to do that and it may even feels like that there's no point to keeps trying anymore. That's oki, ria. Its ok to rest, its ok to do nothing and take some time to pause.
I'm so proud of you, writing this, sharing this must have tooken a great deal of trust and effort. I'm proud of you for reaching out.
My pm is open buddy, feel free to message me when ever you needs
@hardtobeRia
I am really sorry to hear that what you are going through. I can relate to it. I thought I was the only one who felt this way. You are not pathetic for having emotions. I hope find your way soon. You matter even If you don't feel yet.
.........honestly dont know what im doing with my life atp , ...........
sigh
suicide thoughts come and go ,sigh
Feelings.... im starting to feel loneliness, I dont like it , I've always been okay being alone but now it hurts ,I dont wanna feel this way ,🧍🏾♀️