Poly Predicaments

Just recently opened up my relationship with a partner of 9 years. We've talked about it on and off for a while and our needs became clear throughout the pandemic. A couple months later, I fell super hard for someone online. It's never happened to me before and I'm terrified because I might be meeting them soon and my feelings are so strong. I feel guilty talking about it because it could be worse, and I feel like people look at me sideways, but I've struggled with depression for a long time and am nervous it'll send me into a depressive episode. I've already cried a lot over this person, and have moved between feelings of elation and grief.

We're all writers. He writes romance. My partner writes fantasy. We exist in similar places online and on social media and I feel like it's been hard to all see each other's stuff. I've learned so much about the science of "NRE" New relationship energy' lately and I wish I could find someone with some poly experience to talk to about it. Or even someone experiencing lovesickness and any tips on how to get your mind off of it.