Ramblings of a girl.

September 30, 2018

Dear Diary,

First off, let's just keep me anonymous. I'm a girl and I'm 16 years old.

I guess no one will see this but I dunno, I feel so alone and confused these days. I don't even know why I'm typing it here. I talked to many listeners but somehow I guess I'm the only one who can truly help myself. I don't know how though. I get attached so easily even when I try to hard to deny it, to fight it. I just give up easily, I hate myself for that. I guess my self esteem is also kinda loose, I'm happy and sad at the same time, but more sad than happy maybe.

A thing I noticed though is that I like being sad, it kind of gives me a space to really question things around me, hoping it will all make sense one day. But maybe it won't. What if it doesn't? *sigh* you know I'm just 16 and I'm kind of a hopeless romantic, I literally feel so desperate sometimes. My guy friends are really cool, but they all See Me as just their sister, it's kinda depressing.

My family is kinda messed up too, my parents fight a lot and my brother makes me wish I was dead. Anyway, I don't know why I'm doing this but I guess I'll do it because I want all of it to make sense someday, and I want to be the one who's going to make it happen.