Real or A Dream? Live Life or Die? Nightmare or A Sign? Am I Supposed To Continue?

They are always in my nightmares and barely in my dreams. My nightmare consists of a dark asylum off the map where there everyone I know is tortured. Kyoguraenjoys every little bit of pain everyone feels and feeds off of it. She cares about me but she hates everyone else. As for Kaguri, she usually never shows as she is shy and doesn't really like what her sister Kyoguradoes to everyone. You could say they are oppositesbut still sisters. In the Asylum everyone is trapped inside a cell with no way out and only a window next to it's door. Everyone is tortured differently and it depends on how much Kyogurahates them. My best friend was being tortured where he couldn't eat and he couldn't move at all. He was chained to the wall bleeding from all over his body. I didn't like it at all and felt a sense of hatred towards her. She knew that my best friend is one of the most important people in my life and that I would do anything to save him from death and maybe that's why she didn't hurt him as much as the others. When I would wake up everything would be back to normal but the images would run through my mind day after day, replaying the scene over and over again.

Aside from my dreams and nightmares, signs and persona's, in real life everything is challenging to me. I found out who I really am, what I really want to do in the future, how I want to help people, what my talents are, and what's the most important things to me in life, but, I haven't found out how I'm gonna get through this. I couldn't go to college because I don't have enough money so I gotta try my hardest to get to where I want to be. People like parents in general think it's really easy for teenagers to find a job when in reality it's not. I had a great job at a computer manufacturing company and I couldn't stay because they said they had other people for the job. I started working with a trucker to deliver wine. A great paying job but I got laid off too much and didn't earn enough to even go shopping. I'm now currently usually just home either working on music, playing video games, cleaning the house up, and making sure the dog is okay.

I get blamed for most of the stuff that my relatives go through. Money problems are the biggest problems in our family but that's not because of me. I'm supposed to pay the electric bill, water bill, and cell phone bills on my own. I can't pay for anything now a days because I don't have a job. The worst thing is I'm trying to earn money through making music, maybe even get sponsored by a big brand company to make a couple thousand dollars. I try my hardest everyday, one day after another and I'm not getting anywhere. I've advertised my music and I've even got friends and family to help but I'm not getting anywhere and I know I got potential. Not like those other famous musicians like Skrillex and Tech9, not even Taylor Swift is good at music and she doesn't even do country music.

I got no job, my social life is very stressful, I got persona's of my that want me to be violent and kind at the same time, I have a hard time trying to get to where I want to be, this Christmas I can't get my family and friends some nice gifts since I don't have a job, My way of thinking prevents me from doing most of the stuff I like to do, the way I dress is degrading to everyone I know that I don't even have my relatives support. I feel worse and worse with everyday that goes by. I feel like I'm a failure in life because I can't do anything right. I can't climb to the top of the ranking board. I'm pathetic, alone, not cared about, failure at everything, a screw up, and most of all I think I'm not even supposed to be alive at the very least. I always seem to have ideas that could have people out but at the same time it's very frustrating when you have a continue button that appears right before you asking you if you would like to continue. It's like a video game arcade machine when you lose it asks you if you would like to continue and suddenly you run out of coins and you can't continue. At that moment you know that you lost the battle and you just need to give up. I don't want to give up, I want to continue my life but how can I do so if everything isn't working out for me at all. How can I continue living like this. I ask myself one question every single day of my life: Should I really keep pressing that continue button or should I let the timer run out until it reaches 0? I can't answer that question anymore and no one else can do it for me. I have run out of options and I'm so close to giving up in everything. Giving up in everything that I put work into, everything that I thought could become a reality instead of a dream. The nly thing that really does keep me alive and keeps me going strong is music. I can't live without it for a single second. I have over 10+ pairs of headphones and 4 different devices with music on it so that way if one runs out I got a spare with me. If I stop listening to music I know for a fact that I am screwed. Everything that I do, say, act on, think about, and even imagine is because of music. The only reason that I have my persona's and my dream world is because of music. Without music I would surely be dead and there would only be a one way route for me. I can't say that I am going somewhere but if I am going somewhere I'm bringing music along with me. Everything I say here is true and it's everything I think about but the question still remains: Am I Supposed To Continue?........