Scarlet thoughts
Um Hi everyone I'm sorry, I'm new here and I don't know where I can say or write all of these...things that are in my head because of what's going on in my life or because of who I am...
I feel like I can't talk to anyone because I would annoy them. I don't want to bother my friends, I'm sure they've got more important things to do than listen to my stupid issues...
I'm sorry, please don't feel obligated to reply.
Anyway, I guess I'll write random thoughts and rants here and it would be nice to see what some people think.
Feeling Lonely
For as long as I can remember, there's been this huge feeling of loneliness deep within me that I haven't been able to get rid of, I'm not sure what exactly caused it but I have some ideas of what could have done it that I won't go into detail right now. This feeling continued to grow and transform over the years. Now it's no longer just loneliness, it's also self-hate and sadness.
Some days the feeling gets pretty bad and I just have to force myself to go to work.
Those days are dreadful.
I'm constantly holding back my tears while attending meetings, I'm acting like everything is okay, I'm taking deep breaths, I'm trying to do my own assignments while I can't stop thinking that I'm too stupid to do them or that I shouldn't have been hired to begin with.
Then the work day ends.
I finally get to go home and let out my tears, but of course, the moment I start to feel a small sense of relief, my brain reminds me, you are alone idiot. You've always been alone. You will always be alone.