Tea's Log Cup ♥️ (open to replies)

Another day (or night?) of not sleeping.. what the hell is wrong with me.. meh, must of been my work schedule interfering with it now since im used to it with uni. New sem starting next week but the lecturer is still mia. hm 🤔 well lets just see how.

Another note: The feeling of being single in your twenties and never went on a date when even teens have more dating experience than me 😂 Wtf my life, even my past neighbour from childhood who moved away (though we rarely talk) have more love life than me.. GGWP

One of the most sincere form of respect is actually listening what another has to say - Bryant H. McGill

Date: 05/04/20

no subject to take end up taking drama subject.. i have social anxiety and stage fright since i was a kid. GG me, doing monologue too for in-class assignment too. Wish me luck, i definitely need it

The moment you think of giving up, think of the reason why you held on so long. – Natsu Dragneel, Fairy Tail

Date 10/04/2020

This is my diary so im allowed haha

DISCLAMER: Long as text and personal story ahead. These are just my thoughts, and I don't mean that this will apply to everyone/anyone or this is the result of anyone's actions except my own. This is not a critism of the site but a personal perspective.

Note: This is not a farewell post or anything. It;s just a personal reflection that i should've realised long ago.

How I came to 7cups

At first i came to 7Cups as a member, finding support for my loneliness and anxiety and since i've never been diagnosed in my life so there was always that uncertainty that i might not know if i have a disorder or not and I'm still too scared to even try (I avoid doctors on principle even now and i dont know why). I've never gotten better and i would think i'll never will with my avoidance and unhealthy coping (writing novels[still havent progress], reading stories[still searching], 7cups, avoiding) and i've come to accept it and still finding ways to deal with it.

In real life, I've hardly have any close friends and have no luck in searching any online ones too, I've find it hard to connect with people in general and that has effected my self esteem too and increased my loneliness. In truth I'm still finding a listener to help. thats also when i stumbled 7Cups. I've met with some unprofessional listeners as well as some who tried but just never understood. I've tried IMALIVE and it helped slightly if not better than here.

My Beginning as a Listener

When I registered as a listener, I didn't trust this site either. Created an account and left it for 2 months or so. It was when i was feeling bad again that i came back here, and decided "Why not try listener to others instead?" and so I did. My first experiences as a listener wasn't good. I started with some members i had to block due to their persistent need for just anything sexual in nature or just some that i couldnt handle, some even came from listeners who wanted personal support which i didn't know until later can't as a listener. The ones i could handle i could feel the emotion toll it had on me, It was like im happy to help and yet unable to fully connect with what they feel. I'm Muslim and It is ingrained in my culture to not have sexual relationship before marriage, i understand that and i didnt have any romantic relationship throughout my life so no help there either. In truth, I found it traumatizing with the amount of inappropriate chats and how it overwhelmed me so i end up avoiding taking some for a time and ran towards the group support and forums instead, there i would find myself the escape i needed from the chats i had.

A Reflection of roles

After that, I instead strive to earn badges like trophies, proud as it is a sign of my progress. In Imogene's post:

Various people told me to wait before I could take on a new role because they told me I needed time.

I was the youngest Teen Star, and I took pride in that. I had 5 teen star roles, and I wanted 6, so I'd be on every track. I wanted to do everything, be everything. The thought of being a listener with no roles was terrifying - so much so that I never thought about it. (I doubt even being 6 teen stars would've been enough. I would've wanted every role I could get.)

That was true for me too, I wanted to be involved in everything but just only recently i came to realise that I CAN'T but luckily i heeded the advice. especially Mel who warned me and i did listened for awhile (End up taken more after that however) But what she said hit me (in my own words) "You have too many roles and you matter too, self care is so important and we want to see you dedicate and excel in the roles you have not just half-ass everything" which stands true to the quality need that lacking on this site. I had quite a lot roles now too but time management is all i do now and i take in moderate times for it. I had taken on roles to occupy myself from my depressing thoughts, so i could avoid life in general and the fact i was alone and no one could fully understand me, not even my family.

I am determined and focused, and those are as much advantages as they are flaws. I don't rest until I get what I want, and then I set another goal, and I aim for that again. It doesn't stop. It never does. I was collecting roles like they were medals

As of now, I have around 12 roles but I'll be listing what i'm active in, i had a chat with another listener and we discussed that the levels in 7cups is similar how a video game character levels up, and How true is that. But life is not a video game and I'm still not sure on how to proceed. However, now that person has a more focus in their real life and I'm glad that they could progress where i still cannot but hope that i can.

*() is counting the numbers of roles.

Global Member Group Mod and Peer Support (2 roles), at first i succeed in this role because i wanted to participate more in the group chats but recently i have been spending less and less in it, with less request or just no time to participate due to roles, and when I do, its because I wanted to occupy myself so i just shut 7Cups down and do some self care, recently I've tried to participate back again and well.. I'll see how it goes.

QM and Listener Coach Team (4 roles), due to my bad experiences at the beginning i wanted to improve the quality here and so i decided to involve myself with the role, i personally liked this role because i could help other listener with improving themselves so that they could do better and show it. Sometimes I would feel bad that i didnt check in with my mentees but im thankful for them to reassure me. Know that I'm here to answer any questions but to be honest dont expect any live chats unless scheduled for training or we concidence the online time. This actually count as 1 role for me for my mentees are mostly short term.

Listener Verifier Team (5 roles), this too is something i find helpful, similar to the Quality Mentor role, this help categories the quality of chats where members can find a place where listener at least KNOW how to do, though only a small percent is truly able to help fully in long term there is still some quality control on this. This also helps listeners to have the first point of contact with another "experienced listener" to help them.

Internship Mentor (6 roles), this doesn't demand much since the new update here and I was glad. In a way it was similar how the Listener Coach works but instead its questions for the internships and I'm happy for it as i could apply some experience I had as an intern myself when helping them. This too, to be honest dont expect any live chats unless scheduled for training or we concidence the online time.

SPOT and Flagging Team (8 roles), This role also, to protect both listeners and member it is important for safety to be a priority on this site, which to be honest is very lacking. Even so, the attempt on this counts and I would usually do it when I'm free as well as part of the community to help. For Flagging, i too do it on my spare time, but it is something i do sparely or just for a few moments but that doesn't lessen the amount of "harmful people" who came here for other purposes. This too, to be honest dont expect any live chats unless scheduled for training or we concidence the online time

Translator for Chinese & Malay (9 roles), this is something I've been doing recently and I realise i haven't been active much on proofing since class has officially started and i see it as a side job tbh. Shirley however has my admiration on how she dedicate herself on it and i realise i wasnt as motivated as her, and I decided i would take a break on that, debating on whether it is correct or not with her and the others.

CM (and other roles) for Student & Career Support (10 roles), This subcom holds a close place in my heart. When I joined I was very interested in this but disappointed when It wasnt really active (where the leaders have all retired). So I decided to take on the leader role myself. So far I'm happy with the progress and I'm glad that its at least alive. This is the one role I'll mainly focus on since its a communi

Forum Supporter for YPOC (11 roles), This at the beginning and even now i wasnt really active anyway. But i can relate to it and it was because of that is why i picked to take on the role while i didnt apply for it. Now i find posting monthly works well as the sub-thread i lead is a place where i understand as well and it doesnt have a set schedule anyway so i'm grateful for it.

SSL for Anxiety (12 roles), Anxiety is a topic i relate very well and I'm glad there's a support group for it here. With weekly session every week can be quite demanding now, it wasnt so at the beginning. It was after i took on roles above (QM to CM) that it became harder to take on. Tbh, I may decide to drop this role in the coming months since I want to focus on S&C to grow. UPDATE: I've decided to keep it for now as i love the community haha but see how in the future.

I wasn't even listening anymore. I was organising meetings, holding discussions, writing forum posts, talking to teammates so I'd get to know them better, taking on mentees - sometimes all at once.

With so many roles, I come to realise to use back my member account as an escape and I'm glad for it. The words Imogene said hit me once more as it was true. I would sometimes take on members who requests me and I would hope i could help by listening i just find it hard to REALLY connect on an emotional level. I have a long term member and we kept discussion on loneliness and i realised "How could I help when I didnt find a solution for myself anyway?" and so I redirected them to find another listener and felt incredibly guilty for it.

In Conclusion

To be honest, after writing all this, I realise how 7cups have really dominated my life and i really need to put it together. Roles doesnt mean anything in real life and I came here too to get some certifications for my upcoming job applications as well. I fcking need to get a life and if you have any idea on how, PLEASE do it! DOnt just sit there and stare at it pass by you.

Imogene's words would really stay in my heart and I'll properly reflect this.

1. Listen to other people
I don't know best. How many times did I think I did? I don't. If I'd listened to someone else, maybe I'd be a lot healthier mentally - and physically, since I lost so much sleep - than I am now. We've got mentors for a reason. Even if you don't agree with what they say, maybe say something like, "I'm not sure I agree, but I'll definitely think about it," and do.

2. It's okay to get support
It doesn't make you weak. It doesn't mean that you're incapable of handling yourself. I've always said it to other people, but I'm realising this now: Please know that it takes a lot more to reach out for support than it does to stay silent. You can handle this, and you're strong, but we're a societal species. So many people on here are willing to stand together with you. Will you let them?

3. Don't get consumed
It's so easy to get consumed here, especially since we're online. I'm still trying to learn this, but achievements aren't just badges/roles. They're so much more. I used to get ecstatic whenever someone told me I'd helped them, that I'd brightened their day. Instead of trying to save everyone, trying to do multiple things at once, realise that we're a community of listeners. Together, we can save everyone - but for now, for your part, focus on saving someone.

4. Take a step back
You're not always the best person for the job. Doing what you love motivates you a lot more - and for a longer time - than the accolades you collect. I can't even remember the roles I held, but I can remember that someone told me I was a beautiful person for helping them. Trust me, it stays with you longer.

If you've read to this point... omg, You've really done it and that's incredible. I'm endlessly grateful. So why did I write all of this? Definitely not to gain any sympathy, or pity or empathy or anything like that. This is a reflection I've had and that's all.

A final message from Imogene (This holds true from me to you too)

I hope you don't see yourself in what I've said. I know so many of you are stronger, smarter than I am, and for you, this is probably the tale of someone who launched themselves into something they half-knew would end in disaster. I'm not proud of what I did, but I still know why, and I'm going to work on it. If I come back, I hope I'll have the strength to help. I hope I learn from my mistakes. I'm certainly going to try.

And for those of you who do: I plunged into disaster and told myself I enjoyed it. I hope I'm the only one who met this fate, and that this reaches you before it's too late.

- Tea ☕ | Life is not a game of luck. If you wanna win, work hard. – Sora, NGNL

I recommend Core Pride ver Amalee and Isabella's lullaby from the Promised Neverland cause they just reflect life and is a beautiful piece of music

- Tea ☕ || Life is not a game of luck. If you wanna win, work hard. – Sora, NGNL

Imma put random quotes here and there from now on Have a great day everyone

- Tea ☕ ||

- Tea ☕ ||

- Tea ☕ || Life is not a game of luck. If you wanna win, work hard. – Sora, NGNL

- Tea ☕ ||

@ilikemacadamianuts

It's Tea here. Sorry my chats went poofed and i cant sent any messages now (i dunno what happened) So I'm using this to contact you for now

Is it okay if we reschedule this for tomorrow at the same time?

~ Tea 🍵 | Life is not a game of luck. If you wanna win, work hard. – Sora, NGNL