Thoughts of a fallen angel
In an artful attempt to have a good day, it seems I have miraculously failed. However, there are only good lessons to be learnt from bad days, so there prompts the question: are there ever really any bad days? Thinking on that. Anyways, I do have a tendency to rattle off about nonsense questions and thoughts, so my apologies. I think I'll try to log an entry every other day. Best case scenario, I somehow help people by sharing my crazy mind with the world. Worst case scenario, I only help myself by letting my thoughts out for the first time. Either way someone gets helped. Win-win to me. But anyways, I think I'll leave it at that for tonight: are there ever really any bad days? To be decided at a later time after careful thought and consideration...
I've decided that no, there isn't such a thing as a bad day. There's only bad moments. That seems fitting, so that's my conclusion for now. On another note, I find it quite odd to look at my arms and not see any marks, even so much later. Perhaps surprisingly incredulous is a better replacement for odd. I feel that no matter how much time passes, I will always be in awe of the blankness. Even saying this though, I feel like I've said too much, shared too much about me. Will I ever be able to speak my truth? Probably not. Ah, but nevertheless, this is about progress, and progress is as simple as moving forward with life. So that is precisely what I will try to do with these posts.
So many things I could say now... but none of it would accomplish much, so instead here's a poem.
Flame rises, arcing in parallel to breath
I will burn, but so shan
There
@AngelInHell06 This really hit home with me. Thank you for sharing. I love reading people's posts and their view of the world. Some day I may share my story but I am not ready for that. I met my twin flame by first seeing her. It was similar to your writing and it changed my life in a shattering way. I have had these same questions and wish at times we never met, but we did. Maybe it was what I put into the universe that caused it. I have always looked for that one in my life. The one that would change my life. I have tried to let go and don't know why I can't. It is like my heart has this scar but instead of seeing it, I feel it. I can't get into this too much because of the emotions that it brings up. Moving forward has been my biggest struggle. I want to reach out and I want her to say it really never existed and that she does not think of me. I am a rambler sometimes and will end this here. Not a day goes by that she does not enter my thoughts. Keep writing 
I know nobody's reading these posts but I get entertainment from making them since they'll probably be the only legacy I leave 😂. I'm so lost lately. My listener is trying so hard to help me but there's just. nothing to be done. I guess I could say I'm past the point of no return, for you Phantom Phans out there ;) After all, the bridge is crossed, so let's stand and watch it burn. Anyways, theatre puns aside, there's no going back now, because either way I choose, I cannot win. I'm really done with the universe. No not even done with it. I'm just exhausted. I'm really damn tired of the world. There, that's it. I'm tired. I'm ready to give up this fight and just lay down in my coffin forevermore, finally resting. I don't even know what I'm writing anymore, I hope this isn't total trash. That's all for now.
@AngelInHell06
I have faith in you! And all of us are here to support you. ❤️
@AngelInHell06 I am reading them. Remember to step back from the ledge after looking over the edge. You never know whose life you may affect or help with your writings.
I was talking to someone last night, when they asked me jokingly if I'd ever been kissed. Well that question really got me thinking, like most things do these days. No, I realised, I've never been kissed. 11 years of unspeakable things, but I'd never experienced such a simple action. But the more I thought about it, the more it bothered me. My answer to the question said a million things about the life I've had. It was a fresh proof that though so many have taken advantage of me, none actually cared for me. And honestly, it stings a bit. It shouldn't, but it does. Maybe I'm overthinking it. Great now I'm just sad. Bye for now.
I know I write a lot of sad things, but here's a happy one for today. Yesterday my friend invited me over to go swimming, which always makes me nervous because my swimsuit exposes my skin. Sure enough, her little sister saw my scars, and asked me what they were. Reflexively, I wrapped a towel around myself and bowed my head, afraid to answer. My friend came over and simply said, "They're battle wounds. Angel is a secret warrior, Lucy. Shh though, it's a secret." Lucy accepted that explanation. It was that simple. It made me feel so much better. It's that easy to explain things to a child. If only the rest of the world could do the same.
@AngelInHell06
This is beautiful. I've read through all of these, and it is amazing to see some of your thoughts. Keep on going, you are strong ^^
Blood. Everywhere. A puddle of blood and sweat and tears. Every single day. When did life turn so so dark? Flashes of words, colours, but no sound. Never sound. Life of silence, words only in ink or typed on a blank page. But what words? Do I even know what I'm writing? No, I don't believe so. I simply do as they say, follow the tendrils of colour that may bring back life to this desolate planet. Did they say desolate? I mean sad. This is a sad planet. Too much hate. Too much darkness. Too much blood. :(
