Through Clueless Eyes

As the pile of homework begins to increase, and the music from my dorm neighbors blares even louder than before I don't really feel much need to do anything more than type about how I feel. I have witnessed myself subconsciously convincing myself that if I try to be happy, I will be happy. I believe one day I will get there, it just won't happen in this enviorment. College is about learning and growing, that isn't always the happiest times.

I'll discuss one of my three friends for a moment. Just because she has been worrying me lately, has said that she doesn't feel like there is any more room for her to grow as a person. That she is struggling, she told me that after I said everyone is struggling, that we all need to support each other. I don't think we see the world in the same way. I try to be an optimist, for someone that is rather pessimistic.

I just wish I could have said something more. She was with her girlfriend so didn't want to call to talk about it. I don't understand why she tells me all these things when she was sitting next to someone just as important to her. Important enough that she doesn't talk to anyone else really. When she does speak it isn't about things that I care to hear, none of us care to hear. I wish I could have said "Look, we are all going through something. I don't know exactly what yours is, but I gave you different options. I gave you a list and you chose to say I will do that maybe. There is no maybe to doing things. Either do it or don't. You obviously have no problem in just doing it on instinct because you were working one day and decided to just leave. You are choosing these choices. You are regretting them (I think). Stop making choices that you, yourself, do not approve. I don't have any friends, this is yes an issue but also I am quite alright with it because I get to focus on my schoolwork. Eventually I will make, and have fantastic friends. I see it in my future. But you, you don't even bother looking into what your future possibly could be. Have you really just given up that badly?" If she was like yes I have given up I would have called her mom or something, I know she is technically an adult but still, If I think she is in danger of doing something stupid I want to make sure she gets the help she needs.

I don't know what to do. With the stress or school work, trying to fit in, and the issues with my friends I just don't know.