Tired and alone .. so alone

I don’t understand what’s wrong with me that people just leave me or change with me all of a sudden. Is it because I’m not that cool enough? I’m ugly? I don’t have a cool family? I am kinda quiet and not that talkative? I look too old? Am I too old? Do I care so much? Am I sensitive? …

Yeah, these questions and so many more never leave my mind after they left and dumped me. I’m talking about friends, family members and the girl that I thought she always loved me and cared for me. They all left me all alone. It makes you doubt yourself nonstop. It makes you cry a lot. To them, my suffering means nothing anymore. I’m just nobody to them. And I’m writing this in agony, I’m writing this in pain wishing I was never born to this cruel world. I loved them and cared about them, I cared about them more than I ever cared about myself. I don’t even know how to care about myself, every time I sit with myself we just cry, we don’t know what to think what to say what to do, me and myself we just cry and feel sad. What makes it worse is that they don’t even care how would you feel and just tell it as it is … my dad told me you’re not even my son, go find your real dad… the girl that I love told me I don’t enjoy talking to you, I hate you, you mean nothing to me and I wish I never knew you …

How am I supposed to feel when my loved ones treat me like that .. I just wonder how they sleep well at night knowing that someone out there is suffering so bad because of what they said .. I just don’t understand anymore and I don’t know what to do … I just want it to stop, I want this pain in my Heart to go away, I don’t want to cry, I want to feel a bit happier for once …