Toxic family (*TW* just in case)
My mom's side of the family literally wants the worst for me. When my mom was terminally ill and I was super dependant on her, her side of the family left my mom and i to go celebrate christmas. For another example, my whole life they've not approved of things i've been interested in, or worn, even if I changed it up to gain approval. They gave me the feeling that they would've rather I died instead of my mother. I made the mistake of moving in with them after she passed, thinking there would be support and stability but there was not. They would gaslight me constantly, and still do. When my now husband would send flowers or leave from a visit, they would tell me he was only doing it to get in my pants (no, we've been married 10 years now). They used to not pick me up late late at night when I had a work shift and it would be snowing and freezing. Mid pandemic, they sent me a phone bill and then also said they were cutting me off their plan. If it was up to them, I would be dating someone who treats me like crap, or i'd be homeless and alone. There's so much more to this that i've left out but.. I'm not sure what to do about it. I no longer live there with them I live states away, but any contact with them usually hurts me in the end. It upsets me, because I expected more from them and it's hard not to take things they say to heart.
@raininglillies13
I am so sorry your family has treated you so terribly. No one deserves that kind of abuse and I am so glad you've moved on and found happiness with your hubby.
It is ok to go no contact with toxic family members. Block them on social media, your phone, email, everywhere. If you have one family member who is genuinely on your side, who honestly supports you, absolutely keep in contact with that person but anyone who's been awful can go kick rocks. It's painful to do but necessary to preserve your mental health and happiness. The whole "but faaaaamily" nonsense does not apply to people who are mean to you. You would not tolerate that behavior from a stranger and shouldn't from someone just because they happen to be related to you.
People generally do not change and we can waste our whole lives waiting for the people to whom we are related to start acting like a family for us, even though deep inside we're pretty certain they never will. This is bitter but true in most cases.
We CAN create a chosen family for ourselves with spouses and kids and dear friends and even pets who are loyal and trustworthy. Chosen families are as valid as any other kind of family and a lot more likely to be people you really care about and who care about you.
@Katbtrying552
Thank you so much, yes living with my husband has definitely made things easier!!
Also, I will definitely look into cutting the toxic members out, like you said it is hard. I appreciate you saying this though because it does feel like since we're "family" I have to keep them in my life toxic or not. It's nice to see someone with an outside view take this perspective. I've been wanting to block them and have on most social medias but it's nice to hear I don't need to make them a part of My family. I love your idea of creating your own group of supportive people
Thank you so much for your support and help!!! It's truly appreciated !! :)