What it feels like to be an empath (from one person's viewpoint anyway)

Imagine the most intense emotion you've ever felt. Now multiply that by 10. Fear, depression, anxiety, joy, excitement, giddiness, sorrow, grief, love, satisfaction. All feelings most of us go through at some point, yet I often find myself cycling through them more intensely and more routinely than the average person would expect. I doubt many will understand what I'm saying, but some will know immediately what I'm talking about.

For someone like me, emotions are incredibly difficult to manage. Not because I'm not accustomed to my feelings, but because they can be felt so poignantly that they overwhelm my ability to cope. A single word can make or break my day. A sentimental moment can open my heart to someone forever, but a single criticism can lock me into a spiral of disappointment and shame. Seeing someone suffer breaks my heart, because I can feel their pain as if it were my own. Words and actions just seem to mean more to me than most other people, somehow.

I've always been told I'm too sensitive, that I take things too personally, and that I just need to let things go. It's probably true, at least in some aspects. But to be less sensitive means to not notice when others are hurting as I have, sometimes by my own hand. To take things impersonally means to be unaffected by those around me, even when I should be. And to let things go means to hold nothing close, even things that previously used to be important. No, the answer doesn't lie simply in reversing or reducing the emotions I'm experiencing, but how to balance them.

That answer is not very always apparent in practice. It takes an enormous amount of strength to maintain balance when it feels like your world is constantly shifting between positive and negative emotions. It takes a commitment to hold onto some piece of yourself that doesn't sway with every gust of wind. For me, that means focusing on improving myself every day in how to experience emotions without letting them control my life. It's not easy, but I've found it has helped me stop focusing on trying to prevent emotion and instead focus on how to minimize the negative impact that they can have on my life. And I'm not perfect, so I have to be willing to forgive myself when I have a bad day. But I've found that through dedication and hard work, it is possible to live beyond my empathic emotions without cutting myself off from them.