current thoughts
This is my first time doing anything like this so bear with me cause I have no idea what to do.
I write now and then (I'm no professional) but have decided to start a thread (I think it's called) of my own! I'm not sure if anyone can interact with this but if you're able to, and would like to, then by all means, do so x
Nov 19th - 00:14 (where I live):
Just finished my first convo with a listener and it was lovely! Now, currently, attempting to fall asleep but to no surprise, it's a struggle. Sleep has always been my safe haven. It's just that getting to that point of blackening bliss (sleep) is the most difficult part! (shout out to my insomnia).
Uh... I've just gone blank and forgotten my train of thought completely so I'll just leave ya there :)
oh also, does anyone have any tips on how i can edit my profile/bio ? would be much appreciated <3
Some people here are really good listeners. 7 cups has been helpful in my life when I want to vent to someone and get an unbiased opinion.
@easySouth4887 That's amazing to hear! I am genuinely so happy for you. I can relate :)
Nov 21 - 01:44 am
I haven't been sleeping well. I either can't get to sleep or just can't bear to wake up and get out of bed.
Listening to some music on my headphones as I type this. Feeling some anger... not sure why. It's a bit confusing. It's always confusing - the idea of being able to label my emotions cause most of the time I have no idea what I'm feeling or why I'm feeling it. All I can tell is how intense it is. That's it.
Before bedtime is always the worst, ya know? Well, I'm not sure if you do... but maybe someone reading this may feel the same? I dunno.
I feel like there's this constant tug of war going on in my mind. Between what is real and what is desired to be real? The lines seem to be blurred now and then. Sometimes, my hands don't look like my own, or my face in the reflection of my mirror seems... otherworldly or unfamiliar in a sense. It's an odd feeling no? Well, yes, yes it is.
My memory's been failing me too. I don't remember much, if any, of my childhood - thought this was a normal occurrence really. It's funny how depression can mess with your recollection of your past. I HATE IT. Friends and family will often bring up something that clearly stuck in their memory and I nearly always can never remember it. Ever.
I'm tired. I'm trying to be positive but it's proving to be quite difficult.
Anyways, if you're reading this, I hope you have a great day/evening.
Bye x
Hi @nihilistichuman
I read your entry and just wanted to acknowledge you and validate your experience. Insomnia is such a beast! I can also relate to the body disconnect sometimes. I tried a mind trick with insomnia because it was stressing me out watching the clock and realizing how little sleep I was getting. So I just told myself screw it, you will not be rested. You know you're not going to fall asleep and if you do you will undoubtedly wake up way too soon. Oddly for a few weeks that helped my stress. I mean I was still exhausted and it didn't help me fall or stay asleep.. But telling myself it just wasn't going to happen did kinda relieve the false hope of rest. Still dealing with it and I wish I had tips for you. I tried prescription sleep aid years ago and will Never do that again, super awful experience and ended up leaving my apartment, driving and chatting with strangers apparently and never recalled what happened. What kind of music do you listen to? Good luck!
