just exhausted.

gone through a lot tbh.

ive had so many surgeries, starting when i was around like 4 or 5 years old.
then other kids made fun of me because of my tantrums in elementary school.
then school became gradually harder and my grades were dropping.
still being made fun of, then my parents got divorced.
still being bullied by others, friend quantity remains stagnant.
still having surgeries, and a breakup that i couldnt get over for almost three years.
depression develops, school becomes exponentially harder after graduating to 11th grade. this is today.

people expecting too many things from me, people supporting me, people ignoring me, people wanting to know whats wrong and not being able to help.

all i ask for is for the tremendous work to stop, to express my feelings and thoughts without feeling constantly judged, to meet my friends who live across the atlantic ocean, to be free of the constant negativity in my head and feel free for once.

then again, i dont know if i want all that. i dont know what im talking about. i know and i dont know. im confused and i cant figure things out at the moment. i know that things take time to heal, but ive been waiting my entire life for things to get better now.

sometimes i wonder if people actually listen to me.