my daily entries
I hate when I lash out at someone, especially my mom and instantly regret it the moment she leaves. I know she’s just looking out for me but why do I get so annoyed so easily. There’s plenty of reasons why my relationship with my mom isn’t the best. It’s like we’re total opposites but at the same time we’re completely the same. it’s really complicated. but I just feel so bad and I am not an open person so it takes everything in me to go and apologize and I hate it. I should be able to go in there apologize, hug her, and tell her I love her a million times. I am not a touchy person, I actually hate being touched and I am not one to say I love you easily so I feel like it’s not enough for my mom. she deserves so much more. she needs more. and I don’t know how to do that. she needs a loving, caring daughter that will come and hug her with a smile everytime she sees her and that’s not me and it hurts that I can’t be more for her. I hope one day, that that day will come where I can freely throw I love you around easily with her and hug her every second of the day.
@chels384
Hi Chels! Thank you for your post! I want to assure you that you aren't alone in this at all. There are many people who struggle in relationships with their parents. I really understand when you say that you feel as though you are so different from your mom, but almost exactly the same. Sometimes I feel that way and my mom and I argue sometimes as well. It's okay to not get along all the time with family and it's totally okay you aren't a touchy person. You are who you are. You got this! <3
@chels384
im going through that situation too right now, i recently said horrible stuff to her and still havent apologized because its hard for me to apologize in real life, because it just feels awkward and uncomfortable and plus, i know ill probably lash out again in like a week so why even apologize. thats how i feel a lot of the time
i know its really hard to apologize. sometimes i used to do it over a note or over a text because that can make it a little easier
@chels384
people show love in different ways, not everyone shows love by being super touchy and super lovey dovey. but if you genuinely want to be that way and you genuinely aspire to be that, then thats totally cool and awesome
it will probably just take a lot of small baby steps towards becoming more affectionate. the reason it would be small progress is so you remain comfortable through out the whole process of becoming more touchy/affectionate/etc