sad and scared
I just feel so sad lately. I cry multiple times a day. Yesterday was one of the hardest days I've had in a long time. It was nothing special, but I just found myself in a very dark place all day. This emptiness hurts, and feels like a hole in my chest. I notice my cheek muscles in use as I smile or laugh even during these days, but I know that brief smile is not true happiness. Just empty. Part of me is just searching for a way to feel okay, but I've been growing increasingly hopeless. Having self-hating and nihilistic thoughts. I straight up feel sick in my mind, like stuffy and congested and clogged, and sore like a sore throat. Almost every time I'm alone I think about hurting myself in one way or another. I'm afraid I'll make a mistake I'll regret when I'm alone one of these times 😔 I never know how to move forward from here, other than tell myself that maybe tomorrow or the next day will be better. But I never believe it.
I honestly just wish that I never existed. Truly.
@pandaprincess9 Brief smile is not true happiness but those small moments of smile that we catch sure can give us some strength and hope that there is more to come<3 I know it is hard to believe it right now but you just being here is a proof that you have that hope and so much strength in you, only the bravest of hearts can endure so much pain and still try to believe. I am glad you are here. It's okay to cry and it's okay to feel empty inside cause life is so tough sometimes that things feel out of our control. The thing that is in your hand is to take care of yourself while you are going through this tough time, I hope you keep going cause there is light, even though it's hard to see it but there is light. I hope things get easier for you. You have us all here, you are loved and you are very much wanted.
