Eva’s Crazy Mind
i’ve wanted to make a forum post like that for quite a while now, but never brought myself to actually make it. here i will write up all sorts of thoughts and vents, everything i need to get off my mind. it’s not gonna be positive or motivational, not even close. i personally don’t recommend reading it just because it doesn’t help lol. you’re welcome to read, replies are okay, just be aware that it’s gonna be a pretty dark place. i don’t usually ask for help despite telling everybody to. idk why. i’m not a very good example of what’s right to do. TW just in case, not planning to go that far but who knows.
i’m making myself this space because sometimes you can feel lonely while being surrounded by a million people and that’s nobody’s fault.
best wishes to you. ❤️
it’s kind of sad how i always want to be less or more. never satisfied with myself. ever. will i ever be? idk.
it’s pretty sad how i’m okay with being used by now because that’s usually the only way i feel even a little important, the only way i’m communicated with. funny how i’m willing to give everything for some company, for some care that i know is fake. for people who wouldn’t even hesitate to leave me out. for people who likely talk *** about me behind my back. for people who’d only choose me if they had no other choice. but, better than being completely alone right? right…?
i’m in this weird state right now where it’s like i don’t care about anything anymore, like i want to laugh at how absurd everything is, but i’m too burnt out to do that. it’s not the empty feeling, that’s not it, it’s something else. it’s like i’m mad, but not quite. it’s like i’m sad, but not quite. it’s like i’m having a tornado of emotions, but not quite. i don’t understand this.
i’m probably pretty exhausting to deal with tbh. i wish i wouldn’t have to deal with myself either. lol.
ok i’m starting to annoy myself now. off to bed. goodnight… me.
i hate feeling like i’m annoying, especially if i don’t know if it’s actually so or not.
i’ve always wanted to fit in. never really did.
why doesn’t home feel like home anymore? why do i want to get out of here? be anywhere else but here? nothing’s even really wrong, what’s going on?
maybe i’m just meant to be alone afterall.
