Feeling lost and so overwhelmed
I'm feeling lost and overwhelmed right now. I usually help others, but I need a break myself. I spent time in foster care from ages 14 to 17 after my mom had a breakdown. At 15, I got pregnant and had to give my daughter up for adoption. After 20 years of searching, I found her in my 30s, and we had 16 years together until she abruptly walked away, saying hurtful things that broke me. Now, I also can't see my granddaughter, having been in her life for 2 years before my daughter blocked me and cut off communication. I’m struggling to process this because it feels like one moment we were close, and the next, I’m cut out entirely.
@TuckerandTitan
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m sorry for your daughter’s distress too, even though she’s responsible for it. I hope the two of you will find peace and hopefully resume the relationship. If you wish to talk about it, feel free to message me.
Adoptee here and social worker. I’m so sorry this is all happening to you. That is a lot to process and a lot of trauma to navigate through. Did your bio child provide you any explanation as to why she abruptly left? As an adoptee myself I can honestly say that my first pregnancy was extremely triggering for me. It brought up a lot of emotions for me as an adoptee towards my biological mom. Like “how could she think I wasn’t enough” despite the circumstances. My bio mother was also in foster care and was also pregnant at 15 and gave birth at 16. Back then I didn’t have the skills I have now to process that trauma. But I led with an open an heart and asked her to tell me her story. I learned that my bio mom was a child when she gave birth to me. She had no support or services to raise me and was not given an option. I was essentially stolen from her and forced into adoption against her will because that was the only choice she was given. I’ve learned a lot of wisdom since then. And have forgiven her. Ultimately she was a child. I certainly wouldn’t want to be judged my entire life on decisions I made as a child.
do you know if adoptive parents are playing a factor in this or the estrangement? I’ve seen this all too many times where adoptees feel an obligation to feel “loyal” to their adoptive parents. What’s your relationship like with them?
Adoptee here and social worker. I’m so sorry this is all happening to you. That is a lot to process and a lot of trauma to navigate through. Did your bio child provide you any explanation as to why she abruptly left? As an adoptee myself I can honestly say that my first pregnancy was extremely triggering for me. It brought up a lot of emotions for me as an adoptee towards my biological mom. Like “how could she think I wasn’t enough” despite the circumstances. My bio mother was also in foster care and was also pregnant at 15 and gave birth at 16. Back then I didn’t have the skills I have now to process that trauma. But I led with an open an heart and asked her to tell me her story. I learned that my bio mom was a child when she gave birth to me. She had no support or services to raise me and was not given an option. I was essentially stolen from her and forced into adoption against her will because that was the only choice she was given. I’ve learned a lot of wisdom since then. And have forgiven her. Ultimately she was a child. I certainly wouldn’t want to be judged my entire life on decisions I made as a child.
do you know if adoptive parents are playing a factor in this or the estrangement? I’ve seen this all too many times where adoptees feel an obligation to feel “loyal” to their adoptive parents. What’s your relationship like with them?
People are not always dependable. That is as true for emotional investment as it is for anything else we do with others & want from others. Only machines are completely predictable...people sometimes do things suddenly, without warning or explanation. I'm sorry you went through all that, & may you have more peaceful days to come.